Chances are, you’ve already found at least one area of your life which excites you, makes you forget to eat (I’m sorry, I’m passionate about many things but I seldom forget to eat…) and fills your cup. Life is full, worth the effort, even fun sometimes because of __________. Here are a few facts you may not have considered:
Purpose may change over time
As we age, our abilities change and so do our interests. That’s not rocket science, but I have seen many families mourning that “Mom doesn’t want to knit any more.” It may be that your mom’s hands ache and knitting hurts, or she may have lost interest in something that used to be a passion. That’s okay. Families are often more reluctant to give up one passion for another than the elder themselves.
Purpose may change with the seasons of the year
From February/March when I place my first seed order until the fall when I put everything to bed, my garden is my
passion. It’s tiny and my eyes are definitely bigger than my stomach as I try to find places to try new things. After I plant my seeds, my entire dining room table is covered, so don’t expect to eat a meal at my house. I creep downstairs to watch the little pots for something green popping through. I’m a bit obsessed, I admit it.
In November, my purpose lies elsewhere. I can’t grow much, and looking at pictures of gardens depresses me until after Christmas when I can begin to look forward to planting again. Then my passion becomes finding or making the perfect gift for everyone in my family, anticipating their joy in opening.
Even though my mobility is an issue at the moment and a walk outside isn’t the pleasure it used to be, I’m still a nature and outdoor fiend and revel in the fresh breezes and even the rain and thunderstorms. But when it’s snowing, not so much. Then I become passionate about my fireplace, my cuddly hoody and a great book.
I may entertain several purposes at once
My underlying, “always there” purpose is eldercare. For many years it has driven me, excited me and brought me to tears. For the last four years, my dog has been my recreation, my default cuddler, my entertainment, and let’s face it, my boss. Cooking, especially as a gift to others, gives me joy and purpose. Lately, to my absolute amazement, exercise has become incredibly important and taken over a good portion of my day. My children and grandchildren and finding ways of connecting with them. I could name other areas of my life which fill me with life and purpose. (Housework is not on the list. Just saying…)
If you are unsure about finding purpose, especially for an elder who may feel depressed at their losses and wondering about how and if they can contribute in their worlds, here are some suggestions:
- A crisis of purpose grows from isolation–look for ways to connect The pandemic has raised isolation to
unprecedented levels. For a period of time it was the only safe way to act. But if your elder has been fully vaccinated, look for ways to bring connection to their lives. At first it may need to be outside and at a distance, but that could be pleasant. Friends, family, neighbours–get connected again. - What excites them? Become a detective. Watch for smiles, conversation, animation of any kind. What topic, when introduced, causes them to jump into the conversation. Then look for ways to explore that with them.
- Try something. If it doesn’t work, try something else As opportunities open up, classes in various interests will again become a possibility. Even now virtual book clubs and discussion groups might spark an interest. Webinars, games, there are all kinds of possibilities.
- Helping others This is key. Nothing gives a sense of purpose like investing in other people’s lives.
During the pandemic it’s been more challenging, but the times I found ways to reach out to others were the times when I felt most fulfilled, hands down. Do some neighbours need a plate of cookies to encourage them? Would a card sent in the mail make a friend’s day? Can I order a small treat on Amazon and send it to someone as a surprise? When volunteer opportunities open up again, this area will burst open, but be creative. Ways to help others are just a thought away, and this is the road which leads to purpose fulfilled.
Next week: Purpose and dementia
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