M is for memory. And memories. Alzheimer’s and dementia is all about memory. Lack of memory, how to stimulate memory, retrieve lost memories and work with the memory that is left. In the context of the disease, memory (and the lack of it) is the enemy. There are huge amounts of fear associated with memory

L is for loss. My car is eight years old, and last year for the first time, I had to pour $5,000. into it over a six month period. Battery, tires, breaks and a few other things I don’t know the name of. It hurt, but as it had never had any major repairs, I

K is for knowledge. Knowledge is essential. When you first start on the care partner journey, you realise how little you know about so many things. If there is a disease involved (such as Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s) you want to find out as much as you can about it. Causes, treatments (medical and non-medical) progression

J is for judgement. Your loved one’s judgement is impaired. You need to use yours. My mother always told me to “use my judgement.” The problem was, my judgement wasn’t the same as hers. My judgement said ice cream was a good dinner, staying up until midnight was a good plan and never using an

I is for…wait a minute. There’s no “I.” Every care partner knows it’s a selfless role.  Physically, it can mean sleepless nights and long days. It might mean turning, lifting and caring for another person. Even if the person is cared for by others, there’s still making time to visit regularly. Emotionally, you can feel

H is for hospital. Don’t go there. There are times when it is necessary for the elderly person to go to hospital, but this is a discussion and decision you need to make before the occasion arises. Here are some not-nice facts that make it imperative to decide early. Most hospitals are experts in acute

I’ve never been a risk taker. I don’t understand people who are. Why would you willingly do something that isn’t safe, that could end in failure, that could hurt? I hear people talk about the thrill of the experience, but for us non-risk-takers, there is no thrill. There is fear, worry and stress but no

G is for guilt. Carepartners do guilt well. Here are some examples: guilt for the times you received a call in the middle of the night and you didn’t run over. (Instead you lay awake worrying…) guilt for the times before diagnosis when you were impatient and abrupt because you didn’t understand what was happening.

F is for family. Family is interesting. They can be your greatest blessing or–not. Most of the time, families are amazing. They go out of their way to love their family member in ways that count. I have seen them sleep over on a mattress when their loved one was going through a tough time,

E is for entertainment–fun. The life of a carepartner is full. Medications, doctor’s visits, care, new challenges and new problems to solve fill the days. I know there are times it can get exhausting. The last thing on your mind is fun. Which is precisely why it’s important. It’s usually last. It often doesn’t “work.”