“You had one job…” Did you know there are whole web sites of people’s blunders? We relish each other’s mistakes, although I’ll admit most are hilarious, or embarrassing.
- A bag labelled “ice” that’s full of popcorn
- a cup with its handle on the inside
- a sign which says OEPN
- a clock hung upside down (how do you even do that?)
and my personal favourite…
- the African-American baby doll waving its little white hand.
The implication of saying “You had one job…” is that even the simple task you were trusted with, you blew. You failed and looked stupid to the whole world while doing it.
Care partners almost certainly have more than one job, but the sense of responsibility and the fear of failure can be intense.
The job didn’t come with a rule book and learning it can feel like groping in the dark.
Just when you get a handle on it, things change.
Caring for an elderly loved one can be a roller coaster of good and bad days when you aren’t sure of anything.
Factors such as medication changes or infection can change everything.
Your heart breaks for the issues they face but the right direction isn’t always clear.
“You had one job…”
Care partners sometimes deal with tremendous insecurity and guilt. They question whether they are making correct decisions. They worry about the future and feel secret fears about their ability to stay the course. Anxiety can overwhelm.
Care partner anxiety is insidious. Yesterday things were going well, but one questionable decision, a small crisis and a sleepless night and confidence and coping skills flee.
Here are a few tools to pack in your arsenal and pull out when your confidence is scraping the bottom and your anxiety is high.
1. Support
Before things get to crisis mode, gather a support group. Yes, I know, I harp on this all the time. Caring feels lonely on good days and when a crisis hits, you need at least one other person to lean on. Better to have a whole group you meet with regularly to learn, share and support each other.
I can hear you saying, “I can’t leave the house to go to a support group.” Yes, you can, but for now, Google and find one online. You’d be amazed at how close you can feel to people who live across the country and you’ve never met. A side benefit comes from your ability to provide support as well. An amazing feeling.
2. Learn
The old adage “Knowledge is power” still holds true. Ask your new support group friends where they go online for information about whatever issue you find challenging at the moment. Do a Google search. Check out Amazon for books on the subject. Check out your local library. Be discerning of course, and use reliable sources, but learn.
3. Rest
If you only gave your car a few gallons of gas at a time, how well would it run? We all know the importance of rest, but the realities of life and its demands get in the way. Lack of sleep is one issue, but another is the weariness that comes from dealing with chronic conditions. Sometimes you need to get away, sometimes you need sleep, sometimes both. Look for one afternoon or evening a week to get out of the house and do something entirely different. If this means hiring help or using respite, consider it a wise use of resources.
4. Plan
Coping day-to-day can feel tedious. Plan something fun for you and your elder, but adjust your expectations so if it doesn’t produce the joy you hoped for, you aren’t devastated. Keep it simple.
Every year at Christie Gardens, we have a picnic. Although it sounds complicated, it simply means taking everyone to the park across the street. We also haul the bbq, and although we bring sandwiches
and everyone swears that’s what they want, when they smell the hot dogs cooking they change their minds. Families join, hats are donned and the kids in the neighbourhood entertain just by running through the paddling pool. It’s both the simplest and the best event and all we do is walk across the street and roast hot dogs.
Fill your arsenal today with these tools to tackle your anxiety tomorrow.
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Care Partner Wednesday–4 Smarter Ways to Conquer Care Partner Anxiety