They started today, all shiny and new. Twelve eager PSW students coming to learn among us. All of them completed their schooling, and now they learn the practical aspects of becoming a care partner. Each of our care partners functions as a preceptor and takes a student under their wing to mentor them. We invest in their careers and they provide four extra sets of hands. Friendships develop, and in the end, they take valuable skills with them. Not only how to use a lift or give a shower, but a new respect for elders. Each has the opportunity to receive from the elders they serve.
Don’t you wish you could learn like this? Those who care for family members become care partners in a different way. Not a conscious decision and the role may creep up on you. Your situation changes a little, then a bit more. You adapt and change with it. Each tiny adaptation becomes your new normal, until one day you look back and realize you left normal far behind.
When Bill was diagnosed with heart disease, the change seemed small at first. The phone conversation with the news was startling, but medication put things to rights, and although he seemed to take a bucketload of pills, they kept him stable. For years, we lived this normal.
Coming home from his sister’s birthday party, he experienced severe pain in his foot and could hardly drive. We made it home, and the next day at the doctor’s office he discovered he had gout. He made his way to the pharmacy to fill his prescription but collapsed in the parking lot. The intense pain triggered fibrillation in his heart. I walked in the door to a phone call from the pharmacy. My husband had left for the hospital in an ambulance.
From that January day until he died in October, normal slipped far away from us, and I became a care partner. It took many months for me to realize, and each downward slump brought new questions and fears. Most of the time I had no idea what to do or where the next step lay.
Do you feel this way, care partner? Some days, when you’ve found some level of stability, you may think, “Okay, we can do this. It’s different, and not what I chose, but it’s not so bad.” Then it changes again.
The day the doctor told Bill he had to quit work and go on disability, I remember those exact feelings. Different, but not necessarily bad. We could do this. We gathered the children to tell them, and they supported us the best they could. My son-in-law prayed. We felt close and hopeful.
But a few weeks later, there was another change and another. We struggled in a dizzying spiral from which we never recovered.
Becoming a care partner is seldom an abrupt change from one day to the next. Usually, you slide into the role, scrambling to figure out what you should do next. Unlike my excited friends who started learning today, you may not realize you are a care partner until several months in.
What helps? Although everyone experiences it differently, there are some basics to help a care partner make the important decisions and fulfil their role without falling apart. Next week we’ll look at some practical steps to help you become a care partner.
Do you have advice? I’d love for a dialogue to develop. Give your input in the comments, so we can all share.