A conversation over coffee
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I used to fall asleep easily. I’d hit the pillow and be gone. Each day is crazy busy and I can barely drag myself up the stairs. That hasn’t changed, but now I get into bed, and it’s like a switch goes off. I go from drowsy to wide awake and I lay there for hours.” Cathy stared into her coffee cup as if looking for some answers.
Libby patted her hand and suggested, “Maybe it’s menopause.”
“What? I’m 32. Besides, there’s more. I’ve lost a bunch of weight without even trying. I bit Brad’s head off the other day and I don’t remember the issue. I just know I felt intense anger. We seldom argue and he looked so surprised and hurt.”
“Every couple has moments like that. Sometimes I want to shake Jerry.”
“We’re not usually like that. At least, I’m not. And the other day, I was in the department store buying cleaning products and I heard this song from when I was a teenager, and I started crying. Oh my gosh, it was so embarrassing. I pretended I was really interested in the floor cleaner. Am I going nuts?”
What is care partner stress?
Cathy isn’t going nuts or having a breakdown. She has a job and a husband and two young kids, and recently she asked her mother to move in with them. Mom has early-stage dementia but it’s progressing quickly and some days Cathy can’t keep up with the changes she sees.
She suffers from care partner stress.
What is that? Doesn’t everyone have stress in some form? How are care partners any different?
The difference is that Cathy had a job and a husband and two young children before she became a care partner for her mom. All of those roles brought her both joy and sometimes stress. With her mother’s diagnosis came a new set of responsibilities. Care partners usually have full lives before they begin their new roles and they often balance many figurative plates in the air.
What are the signs?
Not unlike any signs of stress, you may experience a few or most of these symptoms. Stress can affect all parts of you–physically, of course, but also your emotional well-being, your spiritual life and your mental capacity.
- overwhelming fatigue
- depression
- anxiety
- withdrawal from friendships
- anger and irritability
- physical decline and new symptoms such as high blood pressure, diabetes and recurring illnesses.
- higher risk of heart disease
- poor self-care (such as not making or keeping needed medical appointments)
- changes in appetite and poor eating habits
- weight loss or gain without trying
- feelings of hopelessness
- suicidal thoughts
- lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities
- beginning destructive behaviours such as drinking excessively
- headaches, body aches, digestive issues
- no interest in sex
- memory issues
