The Good, The Bad and the Ugly of Independence

Independence. Toddlers throw tantrums for it, teenagers get drunk asserting it, we all crave it. We want to do what we want to do when we want to do it. We’ll stay within the law (mostly) and societal boundaries (for the most part) but we crave the ability to make our own choices and decisions.

And that’s a good thing.

Right?

It’s no secret that as we age, our independence is threatened by our bodies. We don’t see or hear as well, some of us don’t move as easily, and sometimes our judgement is as impaired as our joints. We need help, and as much as it urks us to admit it, we can’t do some of the things we did even ten years ago. Or we can, but the cost is high.

How do elders find their way?

Independence–The Good
The key to independence for elders is to find new pathways to former pleasures. Here are some examples:

Problem: You loved the independence of driving yourself everywhere. There’s nothing like just hopping in the car (well, maybe more like hobbling than hopping, but you got there eventually) and going where you wanted to. You even gave other people rides. But lately, you realize your sight isn’t as good and your reactions are slower. You’re kind of dreading next year when you have to take your driver’s test again.

Solution:You take cabs. It seems like a lot of money, but when you add up gas, the cost of your car and insurance, you’re ahead. Or, you impress the heck out of your grandchildren by learning to take Uber. You still have your independence, your stress levels are going down and it works out cheaper in the long run.

Problem:You love to garden, but your back protests after a few minutes of weeding. Pruning, even light digging is okay, but weeding sends your back into spasm.

Solution: Hire a neighbourhood kid to weed your garden and save yourself for the fun stuff like planting and picking.

Problem: You love big family dinners, but last year the shopping, planning and cooking for Thanksgiving almost killed you. You have always been the host and you are loath to give it up, but you know the time has come.

Solution: Approach your family, telling them you’d still like to be hostess, but the work of preparing the meal is too much for you. Accept however they want to do it–divvy up the tasks, or have someone take on the job or even (gasp) order in. You do the little fun things you always enjoyed like folding the napkins fancy and making place holders.

Independence–The Bad
When is independence bad? When it’s time to change, to find a creative solution, to look for new pathways, and you don’t.

• When you drive that car, even though you know you’ve had a few close calls because you can’t bear to give it up. 
• When you need a day to recover from doing the housework, but you don’t get help because you love to hear your friends say, “And she does all her own housework–at her age.”
• When you keep working long past retirement age, even though every day is a struggle and your doctor has recommended you stop.
• When you’re using the furniture to get around the house, holding on to chairs and couches for balance, but you won’t get a walker because they’re for old people.