All their lives, many of our elders loved to give. They volunteered, cooked and baked for the grieving or those in need and supported their children and grandchildren in many ways. It mattered. It gave life purpose to be able to help.
When they are less able, and can’t see, hear, move or understand as well, it’s still important. As care partners, we need to provide the ideas and the support to make it happen.
Operation Christmas Child provides boxes and lists of needs to make a Christmas gift possible for children in underprivileged places. The lists are specific to age groups, boys or girls and the needs in the area where they are going. Where I worked, we supported the program. Family members and even some residents donated money. Staff went shopping for the materials to fill the boxes. 
We used the auditorium and spread long tables with the boxes and heaps of clothes (t-shirts, onesies, baby blankets, shorts) school supplies (pens, paper, coloured pencils, markers, crayons etc.) and small toys. We brought the residents in, and they helped packed the boxes. We wore Santa hats, joked, laughed and had a great time. Everyone in the room felt like they were making a difference. We had enough to stack the boxes in the shape of a Christmas tree in the foyer of our home until they were ready to send.
If we had collected money and sent it, it would have accomplished the same thing for the children, but not the elders. They needed to feel they were a part of something important. It took some creativity and support, but the outcome was amazing.
How does a busy care partner make this possible?
The basics are, as I suggested, creativity and support.
In what kinds of ways did your elder give to others in the past? Make a list, and then think about which of these activities could be modified to make a meaningful giving experience now.
Here are some suggestions:
My favourite way to include an elder and give them purpose is to ask their advice. Everything from a favourite recipe to relationship hints, nothing makes someone feel valued more than asking their opinion.
Is someone in your circle grieving, lonely, overwhelmed? Buy a bunch of flowers and work together to make a bouquet for them. Put together a simple meal or a plate of cookies, having your elder help.
Buy food together for the food bank.
Shop together on Amazon for a grandchild’s birthday or a new baby. Or go out to a store if that’s not overwhelming.
Attend a family event together–a grandchild’s baseball game or graduation. Make a special card together to honour the child.
Work together on a surprise for someone who needs encouragement.
Even someone totally non-verbal can make a contribution. Last June, 
we visited my niece, who was severely impaired with multiple systems atrophy. A group of family were standing around on the deck talking about her oldest daughter’s upcoming wedding. Jenn said something, and even though she repeated it several times, her speech was so affected I couldn’t understand. Her daughter (the bride) listened carefully and realized she was saying, “I want to help.” Immediately, she said, “Mom, I need you to help me choose which dress I will wear.” She had been to try on dresses, but Jenn hadn’t been well enough that day to go. Later, she showed Jenn the pictures they took of her in each dress, and Jenn was able to give her input.
Remember the flower pot with no drain hole from the first blog this month? When there is no drain hole, the water builds up and kills the plant. We all need opportunities to give to others and contribute. Never write someone off as not able to give. With a little creativity and support, it’s always possible.
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