When my kids were little, I was not a fan of Hallowe’en. That’s an understatement. I hated it. The spiritual implications, the cost, and all that candy put me off. I probably scarred them for life, but they got dressed up and we took them out to Chuck E. Cheese, where they came home with lots of prizes and a small bag of candy. Bah, humbug.
I’ve changed. Now I dress up, give out candy to the hordes of kids who come, and coffee, tea and hot chocolate to their frozen parents. It’s a neighbourhood thing and I love the sense of community.
If you’re a care partner to someone with dementia, the conversation in your head may sound something like this: “My life is difficult enough. I’m exhausted, my elder is unpredictable, especially after dark. The last thing I need is for the doorbell to be ringing incessantly and excited kids screaming. I’m going to turn off the porch light, take mom down the basement and turn on a movie–loud. Hopefully, it will all be over by the time she wants to go to bed.”
Hallowe’en can be the best of times or the worst of times, and you won’t necessarily know how it’s going to go. Here are a few ideas that might help.
1) Watch the media--Over the month of October, malls can have some pretty scary displays. People with dementia sometimes have difficulty discerning reality from fiction and may get scared by the fake blood and gore. This is also true of the content on TV, especially as the date draws closer to the 31st. Try to keep mall trips to a minimum, and monitor television, stocking up on favourite movies to watch instead.
2) Know your elder–You know better than anyone if Hallowe’en will be fun or stressful. You can’t predict everything, but if loud noises such as doorbells and children yelling “Trick or Treat” would bother them, find something else to do. If they tend to sundown and get anxious in the evening, it’s probably best to look for a quiet place to retreat.
3) Have fun–One of the first characteristics I learned about people with dementia was that they generally love to have fun. Little children in costumes are a delight, and if you think the cacophony of the door in the evening would be too much, invite grandchildren to come over in their costumes or check out a program at a local library. Children in costumes are everywhere, and they do so love to be admired.
4) Dress up–It may not be everyone’s thing, but I’ve been amazed at how many elders enjoyed putting on a feather boa or a funny hat when everyone else is dressing up. Take pictures, do silly poses and give yourself permission to laugh.
5) Give–One thing elders love, especially those with dementia, is to give. If they are up to it, have your elder give out candy. They may need a bit of help, but seeing the smiles on little faces will give them purpose and joy.
I give you permission if Hallowe’en is too overwhelming, to turn off the lights and go elsewhere. but maybe this is the year you grab your feather boa. And your camera.
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