As a shy introvert, these facts have always been true about me:
- I need space in my togetherness.
- Social situations both feed and drain me.
- Time alone to think, pray, enjoy nature, and pursue creativity nourishes me.
When five warm, busy, noisy bodies filled my house, I would long for quiet and a minute alone. When I worked, I would close my eyes on the busy train ride home and savour shutting out the world. I treasure time with family, love to be with my special friends, but give a grateful sigh when silence descends and I am alone.
These things are still true about me, but I learned a new truth a few years ago.
Too much “alone” can kill you.
In December of 2019, I retired. I loved my demanding, stretching job as an advocate for elders, but my body
told me I could no longer do it. Within a month, the world shut down and my retirement plans fell apart. I couldn’t even go to church. Day after day I saw no one. I relied heavily on social media to keep in some kind of contact with the world, and would smile at people behind my mask when I walked my dog. After a year, our church suggested “church at home,” where you met together with your “bubble” of safe people and watched the online service. Our group of four also ate lunch together. That once-a-week contact became my lifeline.
I learned that the alone times I craved all my life had become my enemy. I had to talk myself off many ledges as I navigated through this forced seclusion. I learned that isolation can drain even an introvert.
What is social isolation?
“Social isolation is commonly defined as a low quantity and quality of contact with others. A situation of social isolation involves few social contacts and few social roles, as well as the absence of mutually rewarding relationships” 1.
Defining social isolation seems like a no-brainer, but I found a few of the phrases here took my understanding beyond simply an extended time alone. Few social roles means I have lost my defining place in my community. During the pandemic, I had lost my role as an advocate at my workplace and was still establishing it through my writing. I was a mother, grandmother, friend and church member, but each of these roles were compromised by lack of meaningful contact.
Also, the absence of mutually rewarding relationships was a struggle. Relationships take time and effort to maintain, and keeping them alive with texts, FaceTime and socially distant contacts proved difficult.
What causes social isolation?
Often, it’s a result of physical changes in the elder’s body. As the following scenario shows, if their support system are peers, it can fall apart as they age and experience physical changes.
Hilda is a sociable 83-year-old retired single woman who has lived in the same neighbourhood for many years. She has been active on community boards, in a bridge club and in her local place of worship. Over time, losing her eyesight has made it hard for her to continue with her usual activities but she only gave them up when she surrendered her driver’s licence. Hilda adjusted to these changes by joining a local seniors’ centre which she could get to by bus. As there was no bus service to her place of worship, friends picked her up.
Eventually, however, Hilda’s friends’ circumstances changed due to their own health problems and they were no longer able to regularly attend religious services themselves. She gave up bridge as her vision worsened.
Gradually, Hilda has become almost completely housebound. Arthritis in her knees has made it hard to walk, especially outside in the winter. She cannot afford taxis. She seldom gets to the seniors’ centre, so no longer knows many people there. Meanwhile, her neighbourhood has been changing; a helpful neighbour who used to shovel her walkway moved away and she feels less secure. Her main contact these days is a sister in another province.
Hilda feels lonely and anxious. Some days it hardly seems worthwhile getting out of bed, and it is hard to make herself eat properly or to exercise.
Her medical appointments have become her social life and her doctor is suggesting she move into a seniors’ residence. 2.
Next week, we’ll look at how social isolation affects the physical body and emotional health. The following week, we’ll explore solutions. Stay tuned.