Hasn’t the lack of celebrations during COVID been difficult? Gathering with family and friends is unsafe, maybe even dangerous. Hallowe’en was cancelled and Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and just about any other gathering looks vastly different. No parades or community gatherings. Did someone say “no fun” for a year or two (or…?)
Now that limited opportunities for gathering are possible, how will your elder with dementia react? There are no guarantees.
It was Ethel’s birthday, and her family came to join her for lunch. Birthday 
balloons, cake, singing in the dining room among her friends, and the sourest possible face on Ethel. When we looked at the pictures later, we couldn’t help but laugh. A grinning family, all the birthday fun and a “birthday girl” who looked like she wanted to eat them alive! When they arrived on Mother’s Day, she was gracious and delighted to see them. You never knew.
If your elder walks with dementia and celebrations are “hit or miss,” is it worth the effort?
Here’s how to ensure a YES!
1. Control what you can
You know if your loved one is tired, or taken out of their safe environment, or put in a stressful situation (such as meeting a group of people they don’t know) it’s likely it won’t turn out well. Know what causes stress and what gives pleasure. This is extremely individual. Grandchildren might melt one elder’s heart and set the teeth of another one on edge.
2. Keep it small and simple
As a general rule, a small group of people and a simple celebration is more likely to succeed.
3. Check your expectations at the door
Expectations are a killer when it comes to celebrations. From the purest of hearts, we want our loved one to feel special and loved and have a good time. The problem comes when that doesn’t happen. If, after all the work that went into planning, they are miserable and angry, unmet expectations can quickly become anger and resentment on our part. We know they couldn’t help it. We know it’s the disease. But still… Even if the event didn’t turn out like you expected, tuck the memory away as a time together.
4. Maintain your sense of humour
Like Ethel’s family on her birthday, laugh. In the end, you were all together, you made a memory, and life goes on.
5. Celebrate everything
Sometimes care partners can be so serious. It’s a huge responsibility, after all. So much to think about. So many decisions. But at the end of the day, the time with your loved one is finite. There will be a day when celebrations won’t be possible. So go beyond the obvious and celebrate every day. Pull out the ice cream because it’s Wednesday. Celebrate a sunny day, flowers in the garden, being together. Look for the joy in today and share it with your elder.
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