I stood at the top of the basement stairs, looking at what seemed to be an impossible descent. I’d recently had hip replacement surgery, and my friend washed, dried, folded and returned my laundry each week. So thankful, I knew I had to find a way to get down those stairs and become independent in this task.
But how? The stairs terrified me, and how could I carry clean laundry up them and manage my cane as well?
The answer presented itself with a few solutions. I bought a laundry system with bags. I threw the bags of dirty laundry down two flights of stairs with ease. When time came to bring clean laundry up, I shoved it in the bags and dragged it up the stairs. I could manage the laundry bag and my cane together. Once upstairs, I hung up and put it away, and the few wrinkles acquired along the way weren’t life shattering!
The second solution was figuring out how to physically go up and down the stairs. I had a friend with me as I did this, for safety and also to give me courage. After a few tries I felt confident, and the rest is history.
Independence isn’t unsafe behaviour. It isn’t necessarily performing tasks totally alone. Independence is providing elders with dignity through exploring their abilities and using creative thinking and supports to make it possible for them to do some things for themselves. It also looks at valuing the elder’s opinions and input.
Independence starts in the head.
Care partner: Am I doing things for my elder that they could do for themselves, or at least help with?
Elder: Have I given up hope of doing tasks that would bring me some independence? Is there a way I could do some of these things?
It sometimes requires extra time, patience and physical supports to bring a level of independence. If you are thinking, “I’m maxed out on time and patience” the good news is that you don’t have to go it alone.
- Look for respite help which shares the philosophy of supporting independence. Maybe you need weekly help with bathing, or once or twice a day with getting ready in the morning or for bed. Maybe it’s a drive to a weekly activity for your elder. Make a list and look at what kind of paid help, friends/family help would be a support and bring independence.
- The market for physical supports is huge! Assess the need and then do some research into what might help.
- mobility aids, including unusual items such as the trolley seen in last week’s video.
- adaptive cutlery to assist with eating.
- hearing aids, glasses etc.
- electronic tracking devices/GPS to assist with wandering issues.
- think creatively. Like my laundry system, sometimes the solution is just outside the box and not that complicated.
Elders
It’s so easy to become dependent. A little exhaustion due to an illness, several occasions of others doing tasks for you, a feeling of hopelessness, and it’s easy to give up.
One elder with dementia told her kind family who always helped her on with her coat, “If you continue to do that, I will forget how to do it myself.” Wise words, and so true. In trying to help, sometimes we don’t.
Think about your day. What do you really wish you could do for yourself? Some activities are beyond your abilities, and you might need help to discover what might still be possible. Even if you don’t have a solution, talk to the family member who provides the most care. When they understand your desire, perhaps together you can find a way.
Even the smallest independence can bring purpose and self-esteem back to your life.
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