“They cancelled Hallowe’en? How can they cancel Hallowe’en?”
That was the cry last year as we saw event after event cancelled. Because Hallowe’en occurred outside, we held faint hope that perhaps it could still happen, but eventually the word came from above that it, too, was cancelled. Little did we know how many other events would disappear, and not just in 2020.
But this year, Hallowe’en is happening. One granddaughter will be a ballerina, one a monster snake (“Not just a snake, Grandma. A monster snake.”) and a third will be the cutest duck you’ve ever seen. (I know, I made the costume.) Intel is still out on the others.
What about you and your elder?
There was a time at work when Hallowe’en didn’t happen. When that changed, I was startled at first, then amused as the day turned into one big party. Staff and residents alike dressed up, some in elaborate costumes and some in a simple feather boa or a hat. Not all participated and that was fine, too. But one event brought a sparkle to every eye.
The children.
The youngest kids from the local school would parade through the halls and residents and staff would admire their costumes and ply them with bags of candy. The kids left proud and excited, with hands clutching treats and the elders were filled with joy.
If you’re a care partner to someone with dementia, the conversation in your head may sound something like this: “My life is difficult enough. I’m exhausted, my elder is unpredictable, especially after dark. The last thing I need is for the doorbell to be ringing incessantly and excited kids screaming. I’m going to turn off the porch light, take mom down to the basement and turn on a movie–loud. Hopefully, it will all be over by the time she wants to go to bed.”
Hallowe’en can be the best of times or the worst of times, and you won’t necessarily know how it’s going to go. Here are a few ideas that might help.
1) Watch the media--Over the month of October, malls can have some pretty scary displays. People with dementia sometimes have difficulty discerning reality from fiction and may get scared by the fake blood and gore. This is also true of the content on TV, especially as the date draws closer to the 31st. Try to keep mall trips to a minimum, and monitor television, stocking up on favourite movies to watch instead.
2) Know your elder–You know better than anyone if Hallowe’en will be fun or stressful. You can’t predict everything, but if loud noises such as doorbells and children yelling “Trick or Treat” would bother them, find something else to do. If they tend to sundown and get anxious in the evening, it’s probably best to look for a quiet place to retreat.
3) Have fun and give-If it seems appropriate, why not bundle up your elder in a chair on the porch or driveway and give out the treats together? Perhaps find some Dollar Store item to complete their costume, and work together admiring the little ones who come to your door and giving them their treats.
One lesson I didn’t learn until late in life is that Hallowe’en is a chance for me to interact with and bless my community. They come right to my door and I can smile, laugh, admire and give. Your elder is also a part of your community and everyone benefits when they have the opportunity to participate.
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