Have you ever had your life change in a single night?
We were coming home from a birthday celebration. The event, special in itself, had been more blessed by the presence of a beloved aunt. The ride home should have been a time to happily relive the event.
The pain in my husband’s foot, of unknown origin, increased throughout the evening, but he masked it with the joy of the occasion. On the drive home he confessed it neared the level of excruciating. I only drove our automatic vehicle, and he’d brought the standard, so I couldn’t help by driving. The terror of that hour-long journey across the highway ended when we finally pulled into our driveway. The dread of that trip would pale in comparison to what came next.
Diagnosed as gout, after the doctor he went to the pharmacy to get the prescribed medication. The intense pain sent his already compromised heart into fibrillation, and he collapsed in the parking lot. That led to the first hospitalization of many, and a nine-month slide to his death. The terror of that drive home began a life-changing journey.
Jennifer’s Story
Mom turned 80 in July and to that point was driving, babysitting, keeping house, etc. In September, she started having a lot of pain and the doc said the arthritis was acting up. About 3 weeks ago, she got much worse, hands swelling and pain all over. She struggles to stand and can’t do much at all. Her blood work and other tests were not good and at first they thought bone cancer. That’s now been ruled out and they’re sending her to a rheumatologist next Wednesday. I’ve taken her to lots of appointments (I’m the only kid in state) and such.
I’m suddenly faced with making decisions about doctors, treatments, how long she can stay alone before moving in with me, finding extra help, wondering if she’ll get better, etc.
On top of it all, I’ve torn my rotator cuff and will have surgery December 2. My hubby and 2 kids can help but they all work so most is left to me, the stay at home writer. So, lots all at once.
Me: Can you give me some specifics about what is hardest for you right now? It sounds like you have good medical support. What are the physical and emotional struggles which are the hardest to deal with?
Emotionally, just worrying if I’m doing the best I can for her and continuing to give her choices when I can. My dad passed away 30 years ago and my stepdad 5 years ago.
Physically, I’m tired and unable physically to do what I’d like because of my shoulder. I experienced ankle surgery and three months rehab last December so it’s like deja vu. 
The sudden care partner experiences a sense of always trying to catch up. Because the situation happened with little warning, learning occurs on the run or after the fact. Jennifer has good medical support, which is a huge help, but she also has the challenge of her own physical problems.
The bottom line for the sudden care partner is: get help. Call in family, friends and whoever else to get you through the crisis phase until some level of stability is found.
Jennifer’s update
Things are much better. Mom doesn’t have cancer but a rare auto immune disease called RS3PE. It is treatable by steroids and her recovery has been amazing. I had surgery on Thursday to repair a torn tendon in my shoulder and started rehab today. My stepsister drove up on Thursday and stayed with mom til Saturday evening so that was helpful. My daughter took Mom to the doc today for a recheck and I’m waiting to hear.
So things are okay all things considered. 
I’m thrilled her situation has improved. However, all of us with elders in our lives should be aware. Life can change in a moment and a fall or an illness can make you a sudden care partner. Use today to learn what supports are available and how to navigate the medical system.
Then go hug your elder, because they are a gift.
CLICK TO TWEET
