It may be one of those weird 2020 things, but where I live and throughout Southern Ontario and some states in the northern U.S., we are experiencing the warmest November in history. Yesterday, I wore a sundress and sandals–clothes I had sadly put away for the season. It’s only supposed to last a few more days, but I love it!
Why? Because winter is inevitable, right around the corner and more than a little scary!
It occurred to me that this year, more than any other, I needed a plan to get through winter. Personally, retirement, pandemic isolation and physical limitations are going to make this winter tough on my mental health. Without a plan, I could spiral. 
Care partner, is this the case with you? Are you already staring out the window, wondering how to face months of bad weather, isolation and lack of support as the second wave of the pandemic takes hold? It’s frightening, but the good news is, we can plan during these few days of unprecedented glory for what lies ahead. Let’s start:
Recognize limitations/establish boundaries
It irks me, no doubt about it. A short time ago I worked long days, commuted three hours a day, carried multiple parcels into work and came home to keep my house clean. Accomplishing several tasks in a day made me feel fulfilled. I loved to make impossible lists and cross off item after item.
The new me deals with pain on a moment-by-moment basis and that gobbles up my energy. I need to recognize my limitations and live within them, or I will pay for it.
As a care partner, it can be tempting to see all that needs to get done and push through, whatever the physical or emotional cost might be. Don’t. Get help, find support and set boundaries. You can’t do it all and no one expects you to (or if they do, they need a good talking to!) Give yourself permission to say, “I can do this much in a day. For the rest, I will find help.” Maybe you can manage physical care, but housework is too much. Maybe grocery shopping has turned from an outing to an energy drainer. Whatever it is, recognize it and set a boundary.
Make a plan
Whatever your plan, make it:
- specific
- concrete
- reasonable
- joyful
Specific–What is important to you? What are you spending time on that frustrates and doesn’t accomplish much? Identify what matters and what you can delegate. For example, It’s important to me to feel I’ve accomplished some household chore every day. Laundry, cleaning a bathroom, fighting back the dog hair monster. Whatever it is, I need to feel I’ve accomplished something. Part of my boundary is I recognize the long list is not possible at this time. I’ll do one thing and be happy about it.
Concrete–write it down. This helps both with getting things done and my feelings of accomplishment.
Reasonable--back to boundaries, I need to look at the big picture. Is it reasonable to think I could clean the house in a week if I broke it down to one task a day? Or do I need to use my energy more for things that make me happy? These aren’t easy questions, especially given we how hard we can be on ourselves. Make sure to re-evaluate as time goes on, as the compass needle for reasonable will change.
Joyful–There were whole seasons of my life where the list with every task crossed off was all the joy I needed at the end of the day. Or so I thought. As I looked at it, I was too tired to consider anything fun, anyway. And tomorrow held another list. After many years, I realized how destructive this had become to my mental health. Somewhere deep in my psyche, I resented all the work. “I need more fun in my life,” I would grumble, but it never went farther than that. It took years (I’m a slow learner, I admit) to recognize that joy is necessary and needs to be part of the plan. Plan for joy.
Are you ready? Next week we will look at specifics ideas to plan for positive mental health this winter.
Stay tuned.
CLICK TO TWEET