I’ve lived under a cloud all my adult life.
Shortly after I was married at 23, and certainly by the time I’d had my first daughter at 25, my mother showed signs of early-onset dementia. Our family knew nothing about the disease, and society at large was far less knowledgeable at the time. It was called “senile dementia” and most people “got it” to some extent as they aged.
Or so we thought. Misinformation flourished. And my mother was only in her mid-fifties.
We stumbled and bumbled through a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. My dad got angry sometimes when she left the stove on or spilt food on her clothes. I made her flashcards to help her remember things like how to boil an egg, but they sat in a cupboard because she didn’t remember they existed. At 63, as she entered mid-stage and began to experience new signs like incontinence, she died in a car accident. Over the years I learned to see the mercy in that.
The cloud, always there and sometimes more menacing, followed me through life. I knew that if I carried a specific gene, I was 50% more likely to get the same disease. At first, knowing wasn’t a possibility. When it was, I decided I preferred the cloud.
I noticed a phenomenon as I aged. When someone in their forties repeated themselves, lost their keys or fell down the stairs, we all sympathized, or conversely laughed and poked fun. When this happened to someone older, especially in a cluster of a few instances, people thought, “Hmmmm.” and bookmarked the occurance for further investigation.
Even if you don’t live under the same cloud, nearly all of us have had moments which cause us to pause. A ripple of fear or a full meltdown can result as we secretly wonder, “Was that… ?” Here are a few:
- You open the fridge and stare inside. What did you come to get? You walk in a room of your house and can’t remember what you came there for. You open a page on your laptop and can’t remember why you did.
- Certain words escape you. I planted Honeysuckle in my garden three years ago and left the tag on because I kept forgetting the name. My son had a long-term girlfriend, and then that relationship ended. For the last two years, he’s had another, but if I don’t stop to think every time, I might call her the first girl’s name.
- I bought an ingredient, knowing I would need it sometime in the future. When I needed it, I tore apart my cupboards looking for it. Finally, I bought another. Then I found it.
As you get older, these frustrations and annoyances can become bigger and more menacing. How do you cope?
This month, we are going to look at the differences between normal ageing and a diagnosis of dementia.
Like our muscles, our brains need exercise or they will weaken. Have you noticed the effects of social isolation? A dullness, lack of motivation, “covid brain”? We need stimulation and mental exercise daily.
We all know the basics of good health: a healthy lifestyle, physical activity, good and moderate diet and mental activity. This will not guarantee your cognitive health throughout your life. But ignoring aspects of it will guarantee an increased “dulling” as you age. You do have some control.
What constitutes normal and when should you be concerned? Over the next few weeks, we will look at the practical differences between a diagnosis of dementia and normal ageing. Stay tuned!
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The one of the doctors at the nursing home where I used to work once said…”If you don’t remember where you put your keys, don’t worry…that’s normal. If you know where your keys are, but can’t remember what they are for, that is a problem.”
That’s a helpful quote, Cathy. I think, too, if you put your keys in strange places like the fridge, it might be time to schedule a doctor’s appointment.