I felt like a bug on the wall, hearing a private conversation which took me into the hearts and mind of people struggling with dementia. It wasn’t private, but a podcast featuring several people sharing. One elderly British lady stole my heart as she explained how she took her caring children aside. “Please don’t help me on with my coat every day. If you do, someday I’ll forget how to do it, and then what will I do?”
Perceptive question. For people with chronic pain, it’s not a case of forgetting, but losing ability. If I don’t walk every day, my legs will get weak and I won’t be able to. If I don’t dress myself, even though it hurts because I haven’t taken my meds yet, I’ll need help. If I don’t do what I can do, I won’t be able to do.
The mind is much more active in your pain control than you might realize.
I read something which radically changed my mindset concerning my pain. It’s incredibly simple.
Be thankful for what you can do.
I’m not a complainer, at least, not verbally, but my internal voice natters nonstop and complains without ceasing. “I want so much to ride a bike, but I’m afraid of my balance. I’m so jealous when I see someone my age ride by. Ouch. It even hurts to put my clothes on in the morning. I just want to lie here. I need to clean the main floor, and that takes so much energy. I have to keep stopping. It’s so frustrating.” On and on.
When I read the words, Be thankful for what you can do, I realized the negative voice in my brain affected my ability and even my pain. It kept me focused on my disability rather than my ability. I eternally mourned my losses rather than celebrating my successes. So, the losses increased.
I try to turn it around every day.
- I can do things for myself, care for myself, cook and clean. It hurts, but I do it anyway. Yeah me!
- I can reach my step goal several times a week. I exercise every day without fail. I eat healthily, try to meet my sleep goal and do everything I can to have a healthy lifestyle. Woo-hoo!
- I’m still able to give, and that brings me (and hopefully others) joy.
When I focus on thankful rather than pitiful, my quality of life improves.
Distraction is a powerful tool
I have a friend on the street who occasionally walks with me. She’s not available often, but I noticed when I walk with her, we cover the steps in no time. I’m not as winded, and the whole process is less painful. Magic? No, I was distracted. It’s amazing how it works.
I love audiobooks for this. When I am doing housework, cooking, walking or any activity where my mind might go into complaining mode because I’m hurting, I listen to an audiobook. My mind is engaged and the pain recedes.
Watch your mood
Although it may seem like it sometimes, your pain isn’t the only happening in your life. Other sickness, worry about family and friends, listening to the news and wondering where we’re headed–all can cause you anxiety, even depression. This will increase your pain. You can’t live in a bubble, of course, but do what you can to keep stress to a minimum. Watch your schedule and only take on what you can manage. I have great enthusiasm for activities, but not much energy (chronic pain sucks me dry) and if I have too much going on, it’s stressful, causing a difficult spiral.
Do whatever works
My final advice: anything healthy (by that I mean not strong drugs, alcohol and other destructive habits) which relieves your pain or makes you feel better, even temporarily, is fair game.
Chair yoga, massage, acupuncture, physio, jaccuzi–whatever helps. Try it. If it gives you some relief, keep it up. Consider it therapy!
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I agree, gratefulness is the key. Also, I tried to remember that others are in much greater pain than I experience. For instance, little children who don’t deserve to suffer with cancer, suffer. Thinking of others helps. Put my pain in perspective. Thank you this is an excellent article!
Thank you for your kind words!