My mom loved to play games in an evening with guests and the family. Normally serious and strict, she morphed into a silly kid who could act a charade with the best of them. When Alzheimer’s crept through her brain, this didn’t change. She still loved to play, but her ability to participate waned every month.
What to do? Nobody wanted to deny her the fun of playing, but each game pointed a little more closely at her deficits. There seemed no good answer.
One particular night, a trivia game, almost impossible for her, had been chosen, and we decided to form teams to lessen the impact and preserve some of the fun for her. Things progressed much as expected, and Mom remained mostly silent. Mid-game, someone asked a question and my mother blurted out the answer. Silence blanketed the room as everyone realized Mom had answered, and was correct! Then wild applause burst forth, and Mom beamed. A game and a potentially tense situation became a party.
My last post about the “party family” touched hearts. https://smallmiracles.online/important-lessons-from-a-party-and-heartfelt-gifts-for-family-caregivers/ I started thinking about Christmas, elders, and parties you don’t want to miss.
Don’t miss the party
Parties are everywhere. You just need to be able to see them.
I spoke to a 101-year-old resident of Christie Gardens last week. I’d sent her something to read, and although she’d already read six chapters, she bemoaned the busy-ness of her life. “There’s always something going on around here, especially right now.” I chuckled to myself, thinking that skipping an event was always an option. I knew better than to suggest that to her. She wasn’t the type to miss a party.
Don’t miss the party
A wise reader commented about the “party family.”
This is so touching. It makes me remember when Mom was in hospice with ALS. My sisters and I (and my brother whenever he could make it) were so honored just to be in her room as often as we were able. Soaking up her presence as long as she was left to us. True joy when everyone at the party is someone you love.
Don’t miss the party
A timeless tradition at Christie Gardens occurred Christmas Eve. As many residents as could come gathered in the lounge for shortbreads and eggnog, when, from down the hall, the sound of sleigh bells would drift. It grew louder as a “HO, HO, HO” could be heard, and then Santa himself stepped into the room. He moved around the area, speaking to everyone, giving out gift bags with personalized presents and kneeling on arthritic knees to take one-on-one pictures.
One year, Jim sat in the lounge with his wife. Everyone knew Jim approached his last Christmas. His body twisted by Parkinson’s, his mind clouded with dementia, Jim hadn’t spoken or seemed to understand his surroundings for months. As Santa made his rounds, Jim’s wife accepted his present for him. Then, in an unprecedented move, Jim’s head came up as far as he could extend it, and his curled hand reached out. Realizing what he wanted, Santa grasped his hand and shook it, wishing him a Merry Christmas. Jim looked as far up as he could and said, “Santa.” Jim’s wife and I stared at each other with tears in our eyes, and then shared a three-way hug with Jim.
We didn’t miss that party.
Don’t miss the party
This Christmas, as throughout the year, you will find your caregiving journey difficult at times. Exhausting. Heart-wrenching. But…there will also be special times. Moments when a memory can be made which will carry you through the rest of your life. Party moments.
Don’t miss the party.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
CLICK TO TWEET