Out. Of. Control.
Caregivers talk about exhaustion, fear of the future, frustration, lack of help and a multitude of other emotions, but caregiver stress often adds up to feeling out of control. Although the story above comes from Alberta, these emotions are universal. So what can we do?
The short answer is: get help. Before rolling your eyes, or yelling, “You think I haven’t tried?” here is a list of practical suggestions. Not all of them will work for you. Not all will be available to you. Go through and look for one or two for a start, and go from there. Don’t stop, keep talking to others and, as hard as it is, make your needs known.
- Accept all and any help that is offered. If someone says, “If there’s anything I can do…” have a list of suggestions ready.
- Ask for help. SO hard, I know, but there are those who just need suggestions. Many months ago, my dear friend fell and was in the hospital for months. I’m aware of my limitations, but I asked one of her daughters what I could do to help. She mentioned meals, something I love to do, and months later I am still helping these caregivers with food once a week. For me, it’s a joy to cook for someone other than myself (which is boring!) For them, it’s a small help as they care for their parents. Win-win.
- Get direction. Ask your elder’s doctor where to go in your area for the help the government offers. It’s never enough, but it’s something, and you need to access every free support that is out there.
- Speaking of support, find a support group. The ability to talk to others going through the same issues is invaluable. Your doctor’s office may be able to help you with this. These kind of meetings are often available on Zoom, if leaving the house is an issue.
- Speak to family. Another difficult conversation, caregiving is a group effort and not a solo flight. Make a list of what specific kinds of help you need. Money? Housekeeping help? Groceries? Rides to appointments? Visits?
- People book vacations a few times a year. Consider booking even a weekend of respite care. Or have a trusted caregiver or family member take over while you stay at a hotel. A weekend of sleep and good meals can restore your soul.
- Sometimes, elders manipulate and you can be “guilted” into actions beyond what is reasonable. In a rational moment, sit down and write out some boundaries. (An example: expectations that you will cook a full holiday meal on top of your other duties.)
- Take your own health seriously. Do whatever it takes to eat healthy food and exercise, get sleep whenever possible, visit your doctor and keep your vaccines up to date.
- Mental health needs care as well. If you are struggling daily with depression and anxiety, talk to your doctor about that, too, and insist they refer you for counselling.
Today, find one or two items you can start with. 
You aren’t alone.
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Feel free to reach out to me at peachmanstewart@gmail.com
I’m here and I will reply.