You’re learning something new, something you’ve never tried before. Let’s say it’s French. What’s more, it wasn’t your idea. Your job requires it and although it wouldn’t be your choice, feeding your family isn’t an option, so you need to acquire this new skill. You gather every piece of support you can find in order to get proficient as quickly as possible. There’s a course they want you to take, but you also sign up for an online course, buy a special dictionary and find someone you can chat with once a week who knows the language. You stumble around at first, but after a few months, you begin to get excited about your progress. Maybe this will be possible after all.
Then, wham. All your supports are gone.
They cancelled the course for lack of enrollment. The online course suddenly costs hundreds of dollars which you don’t have in order to continue. The dog ate your special dictionary (the dog always gets blamed!) and your friend has no more time to dedicate to chatting. You throw up your hands in despair when your boss calls you into his office and relays how sorry he is about all this, but he still needs you to learn French to keep your job.
What are you feeling? Hopeless? Panic? Stress??
Welcome to the care partner’s life. Because a wise care partner knows how stressful caring for another can be, they spent time putting supports in place. Respite care once a week. A paid worker for bathing. Family help with appointments. Volunteer visits for outings. Then, last March, it all disappeared. The pandemic took it all away. You and your loved one not only needed to stay home, but no one could visit, either. They are especially vulnerable to the virus, and if you are over 60, you are, too.
We’re really sorry, but we still need you to provide care.
It’s September. Some supports have become available again, but not all, and they probably look different. They involve masks and distance and other things your loved one may not understand. How do you look after you when the stress meter has been ramped into the red zone?
1. Make medical appointments for you a priority.
Any care partner knows an elder’s life is filled with medical appointments, and it’s easy to put your own on the back burner. How often can you handle being in a doctor’s, dentist’s, specialist’s office before you lose it? Schedule those appointments and get a family member to stay with your loved one. And when you visit the doctor, make sure to address those “smaller” issues such as sleep difficulties and unusual aches and pains. Tell him or her about your stress. It’s important.
2. Ensure regular contact with the outside world for yourself
Make phone calls, email, FaceTime, Zoom, Skype–use whatever means you are comfortable with to regularly contact others. Set regular dates. I Skype with two friends every Thursday night at 8:00 and it’s the highlight of my week. Some of these “dates” can involve your loved one, but some should be just for you. This is important to give you opportunities to vent, but also to give friendship to others.
3. Get whatever exercise you can, and eat healthily. Avoid drugs (even prescription drugs) and alcohol
This seems like a no-brainer, but many turn to the drug of food when under stress. If you are a caregiver, you can’t function while under the influence of drugs and alcohol, so food seems an innocuous choice. Prescription drugs which dull the problem without helping in any real way should be used only with care.
Millienial caregivers may think they are young enough that this isn’t an issue. The statistics will shock you: In caregivers from 24-39, 82% experience hypertension, 60 % have higher anxiety or major depression and 74% are obese, leading to all kinds of physical problems. (1) Wow!
4. Respite care may be an option
Many businesses providing respite care have found ways to be able to provide their service. They need to in order to survive. Ask questions. If the ones you were using before aren’t available, do a Google search for whatever else is functioning in your neighbourhood. Don’t settle for just anything, but don’t assume there is nothing. Also, contact family and friends. Many would be happy to do some housework, yard work, grocery shopping or cleaning if they knew you needed help. It’s difficult to ask. Do it anyway.
5. Make use of any delivery services in your neighbourhood
There are probably so many more options than before the pandemic. Online groceries, curbside pickup for so many items, free delivery through Amazon. Look at all your options and budget some money each month to make your life easier.
Alex Drane, co-founder and CEO of Archangels, a U.S. based movement recognizing and honouring caregivers and providing resources to those in need, says this:
Being a caregiver is lonely. And loneliness is a very real thing that has clinical implications.” (1)
Take your stress seriously and look after you, starting today.
Have you signed up for The 5 Tips Newsletter? Sign up in September and be entered into a draw for a Stress Reliever Box. Refer someone and you both get an entry! Click here to sign up: https://mailchi.mp/715173c496bf/why-should-i-sign-up
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(1) https://www.cnnphilippines.com/world/2020/9/10/Parents-caregivers-stress-poorer-health-pandemic.html