Jenn hated The Little Drummer Boy.
As a mother of four, she would indignantly declare, “What new mother in her right mind would welcome a kid with a drum?” She had a point.
But it became a thing with us. I would send her every new version of the song I could find, every cartoon, ornament, anything. She did the same. It never stopped being funny.
While decorating the tree, I put a Christmas playlist on Spotify, and there it was. Pa rum pa pum pum. A million memories flooded back, and I laughed. Then I made the ornament and hung it on my tree, because that would have made Jenn laugh.
It’s okay to laugh. It becomes a celebration of who they were as you allow fun memories to bring smiles. Jenn celebrated life, even at her most impaired, and she knew how to laugh. That quality in her inspired me, and as I grieve her loss, remembering and laughing brings her closer. I can almost feel her poking me and saying, “Hey, Peachie. Pa rum pa pum pum.”
Create a Craft
The year you lose a loved one will always be significant. Why not make something small to hang on the tree? Or, if glue guns give you hives, buy an ornament with the year on it. If you ask Google about “personalized Christmas ornaments” you will find a plethora of sites with many options.
The year my husband died, one of my daughters got married and my granddaughter was born. Definitely a significant year, and I bought a bell with the date on it which hangs on the tree to this day.
Honour Traditions
Some traditions may need to be put aside for this year because you don’t have the energy or emotional strength for them. Others may bring you closer to your loved one. Look at all the customs which are important to you, and decide which ones would be the most meaningful this year to both you and your family. It may not be the big things.
When all our kids were at home, I worked a second job as a cake decorator. On Christmas Eve, we toiled furiously until 6 p.m. to get every order finished. Then I rushed home to get ready for the Christmas Eve service at church. Our family developed the tradition of having pizza (my husband didn’t cook, and besides…pizza) and egg nog on Christmas Eve, then racing off to the service. Long after I quit cake decorating, the tradition continued, because we liked it, and it had become meaningful.
Keep those traditions and celebrate your loved one with them.
Create New Traditions
Is there something you’d like to start doing which would honour the memory of your loved one? One family
had fish and chips (their mother’s favourite meal) on the anniversary of her birthday. They weren’t all together, but took pictures of each family eating their feast, and shared it. Another used their mother’s best china when they got together. Seeing the table set with those dishes brought fond memories.
Think of something you used to do together. When my kids were small, my dad came over to help with the gingerbread house every year. He had no idea what to do and together they created a huge mess, but it remained a special memory which lasted long after Dad left us. That’s how new traditions are born.
You may be feeling, “I don’t have the energy for any of this,” and that’s okay. Some of these may be ideas to bookmark for next year. At some point, you’ll want to find ways to honour your loved one in a way which is meaningful. Whatever and whenever it happens, choose activities or keepsakes which bring meaning and warm memories.
Or make you laugh.
Pa rum pa pum pum.
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