You’ve been dreading today for weeks.
Since you first noticed signs which disturbed you, since you brought your elder to their GP, since you went to a specialist for testing. Today you are sitting in the office waiting for results, and your stomach is doing that grinding thing. Then the doctor tells you your elder has dementia, and even though you suspected, you knew, when he said the words you heard a buzzing in your ears. All the words after that seemed to come to you through a tunnel.
Is this the end?
Although most forms of dementia are progressive, there is a lot of life to be lived between here and the end. Both you and your elder will need time to process, understand and learn to live with the diagnosis. Life will change, and change again many times. and you will need to learn and grow as it does.
But think about it. Isn’t all of life like that to some extent? Becoming a parent is a big, scary journey, and I bet you were totally freaked out at times when you started it. A new job, getting married, moving–so many life events are learning and growing experiences. Walking with dementia is a journey. You will grow and learn new things, you will get it wrong, you will fail at times. But you love your elder and you will do your best. And I am cheering you on!
Medical
You are an integral part of the medical team serving your elder. It’s important that you are comfortable with your doctor and other specialists. 1) Do they specialize in treating dementia and other diseases common to the elderly? If not, it’s important to get a referral to someone who is. You need a specialist like a geriatrician unless your GP is well versed in treating this age group. 2) Is your doctor willing to answer your questions or refer you to resources where you can find support and answers?
One of the challenges of treating the elderly is that they are seldom dealing with only one issue and may be on several, sometimes a shocking number, of medications; medications which can interact or stay in the body longer than in a younger person because of poor liver or kidney function. They require close monitoring, and you are the closest to your elder. You need to know, if you are worried about a symptom, your concerns will be listened to and followed up on.
Physical
It’s well documented that a healthy lifestyle affects every area of life. Eating a balanced diet, physical exercise, fresh air–all the basics, are more important than you might realize. If your elder doesn’t live with you, having an impact on these areas may be difficult. You may need to look at some support, such as someone cooking a few meals a week, ordering meals in, taking your elder out or having other family or friends inviting them to go for walks or get other forms of exercise. Look at making it pleasurable (such as an outing with the grandkids.) In the winter, take them shopping and walk around the mall. Find ways to keep them moving each day.
Social
Isolation is toxic! It’s important that your elder has opportunities to socialize at least a few times a week. Look for groups of interest to them where they are still able to function at a high level. Gardening, painting, scrabble–there are all kinds of opportunities. Their ability to participate will change at some point, and you will need to adjust, but look at right now and make some plans. Look to family and friends for support in this. (We will talk more about the support issue next week.)
Emotional
The statistics about elders with dementia and depression are astounding. It’s normal to have a blue day here and there, and SAD (seasonal affective disorder) is common in the winter. But if you notice symptoms that last for more than a few weeks, talk to your doctor. The changes your elder is experiencing can lead to depression, and they may need medical help with this.
Your journey will be similar to others, yet unique to you and your elder. Know this: you aren’t alone. Allow me to walk with you and support you.
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