One Sunday in church an odd thing happened. Instead of hugging or shaking hands to greet people, they asked us to just wave, or to bump elbows. Embarrassed, I shook hands anyway. What was this foolishness?
A few weeks later, I was watching church online. I learned a new language which included social distancing, hand sanitizer, masks. It didn’t include hugging for a long, long time. This conservative introvert learned how much she needed people and touch.
After 18 months of seeing my grandchildren from afar (the distance between their porch and my car) dropping gifts and baked treats off, seeing photos of them enjoying them and staring hungrily at other photos of the new baby added to their family, I was done. My soul ached for contact. Touch. Then, on a bright summer day, their daddy biked over to the park next door with all three of them. Six year old Dylan dropped her bike and ran across the sand to me and I eagerly got to my feet to receive her. When we stood in front of each other, we both halted, months of caution 
erecting a wall. “Can we hug?” I whispered?
“Yes!” she shouted and we threw ourselves into each other’s arms for the best, most satisfying hug in the history of hugs.
What is touch?
Touch is the cumulation of seeing and hearing. Once our senses understand what a care partner is dealing with and some of what they are feeling, touch is the action component. It may be an actual, physical touch, or a reaching out to help. Touch says, “I see you, I hear you and I want to be a part of the solution.”
How to touch
Here is where it gets tricky.
Not everyone appreciates overt help. While I’ve always joked that the greatest gift anyone could ever give me would be to clean my house, when my friend came over and started vacuuming after my surgery, I felt uncomfortable in the extreme. When she did my laundry, I cringed. I loved her and the heart that saw my need and stepped in, but I hated being needy. I’m not alone in that.
Look at your care partner friend. What do they need? What kind of help or support will they accept? How can you present it in a way that is acceptable?
Here are some random ideas. Every care partner is different; their needs are multiple. One size definitely doesn’t fit all.
- Express appreciation. When I was working, I used the phrase, “You are a good daughter/son.” more than any
other. Although every care partner is different, doubt is almost universal. - Gift cards for treats.
- Gift of a maid service to clean.
- Offer to pick up groceries.
- Bring/send food or small treats. (Check dietary restrictions first.)
- A hand-written note, sent in the mail.
- Pray for them, then send a note telling them.
- Visit (call first!)
- Offer to visit with the elder to give the care partner a break.
A frank conversation may be needed. Not, “let me know if I can do anything.” which is totally useless, but, “I have a few hours with no plans. What would be the most helpful to you today?”
Even the smallest effort at touching reaches to the heart and soul of a care partner.
Reach out and touch someone. Today.
CLICK TO TWEET