Sometimes, it looks like a knitted square.
My knitting group is small at the moment. Just three ladies contribute, but for each of them, it’s an important part of who they are.
For Janice, it curbs anxiety. As each day wanes, she struggles with anxious demons who torture her with thoughts of the night. The simple routines of getting ready for bed cause her untold anxiety. Who will help her tonight? Do they know what to do? What if they don’t come? She also worries about her body. She has an itch, a sore toe, a dry mouth. Left to her own devices, her worry would spiral out of control. Although every week she needs to be persuaded to start, the knitting and visiting with her friend gives her an hour of relief from the demons.
For Laura, it’s a kindness. She comes for the express purpose of spending time with Janice. Her calm, gentle demeanour and friendly questions turn Janice away from fear and help her consider other topics such as her adored grandsons. The ladies knit and talk, and the squares pile up.
For Margaret, it’s different. She doesn’t join the group but knits a square a day in her apartment. Mostly blind, she knits by feel. She used to produce sweaters and baby clothes in complicated patterns, but she can’t see to read a pattern any more. However, she can knit squares. About once a week, she sends me a neat pile of squares and pleads for more wool. Sometimes she phones me to thank me for letting her knit squares!
After weeks of this, I have a bag overflowing. Now it is my turn. I need to sew in all the ends and crotchet them together to make a beautiful afghan. In the fall, when we have our sale, the afghan will be sold to the highest bidder. This revenue can be used for equipment and special projects which are outside the budget.
Purpose. It’s feeling needed, feeling I have something to contribute, and that I still matter in this world.
As care partners, we focus on care. Are our elders clean and sweet-smelling and looking good? Are they mentally stimulated and given opportunities to exercise? Are there social events available to them? Are they treated with respect? Are their medications the correct ones at the dosage that will help them the most?
Is it any wonder with all these aspects of life and care to worry about, purpose gets lost?
Care partner, purpose is as important to your elder as their medication or clean clothes. If they don’t have something or someone in their life which makes them feel they are contributing, it can be a slippery slide to depression.
How do we find purpose? Obviously, it’s individualized, but how about asking their help with something? “Grandpa, what kind of flooring do you think looks better? Grandma, what did you put in your famous apple pie?” Or ask their opinion about the things that really matter. “Dad, I worry about Jimmy learning to drive. How did you handle that? Mom, I’ve been weighing the pros and cons of this job offer. What do you think?”
Identity is key. If you know them well, you are aware of what makes their eyes sparkle.
I read today that Terry likes to fix things. I remember a few weeks ago how he looked on with interest as I tried to figure out how to remove a mop head. I need to think creatively about how I can offer him fixing projects.
Mona is almost non-verbal, but she comes alive around china teacups. Today she and I set up a display of china in our new lounge. We read the bottom of the cups and exclaimed over how pretty they were. “My mother used to have one like this,” she said, uttering the first full sentence I had heard in months.
Purpose gives an elder a reason to get up in the morning, a feeling of contributing, and celebrates their intrinsic value. It can be found anywhere.
In a mop head,
a china teacup,
or a ball of wool.
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