In celebration of my 300th blog, in the month of October I will be featuring a series called “Who is A Care Partner?” Each week, I will interview a different professional care partner. Different responsibilities, nationalities, and perspectives, but one thing in common–a heart for elders. This is the first in the series.
Honeygirl’s journey to her present job was a long and winding road which involved another job, a wedding and getting laid off!
She’d always wanted to work at Christie Gardens, a continuum for elders in Toronto, which includes independent living apartments and life lease suites and a care floor. http://christiegardens.org
Ten years ago she took a private duty position with a resident who lived independently but needed some extra care. This gentleman wanted to get exercise, so they walked together all over the building. One of her co-workers told her “a Filipino guy in the kitchen would like your phone number.” Her naïve thought was, “That would be good, because if I know someone, I’m more likely to get a job here.” That wasn’t why he wanted her number.
They were married. A few years later, she got a job at Christie Gardens, but later was laid off due to lack of seniority. She had her children, and two years ago applied again. I was a part of her interview, and we knew immediately that she was the kind of person we were looking for. She has been working part-time since, and just recently applied for and received a full-time position, which will be starting this month.
Tell us about your family of origin. How did your growing up influence your love of elders today?
I grew up in Filipines. My Dad passed away when I was three, and in order to look after us financially, my mom had to work overseas. She worked in Hong Kong, Australia and England, and I only saw her once a year during the month of December when her employer would fly her home. Consequently, my grandmother took on a most important role in my life. She raised me, and I was closest to her. When my mom came home, I still slept with my grandmother because that’s what was familiar to me.
This influenced me the most because I wish I could be beside my grandmother. She lives in Vancouver, I call her when I have free time, and we do Facetime. She’s 88. She’s still active.
Tell us about the family you have now. What do you hope your children learn from you regarding eldercare?
I have a girl and two boys. I always tell them the story of my life back home. I want them to know what I’ve been through. I wasn’t beside my mom all the time like they are able to be, and I want them to understand. I explain to them what I do, and when they ask what I mean by “elder” I say, “Like Grandma.”
Eldercare to me is very important because I grew up with my grandmother, and I wish I could be caring for her. Each of the elders I care for are like my grandmas and grandpas. I don’t know what my kids will do when they are older or if they will have the same passion for elders as I have, but they know what I do, and I hope that will mark on their hearts. I will be old some day, and I’m not expecting them to take care of me, but at least to give the love and respect with elders.
What have you learned from the elders you serve?
It takes time to earn their trust. They have to get to know me and I have to get to know them. And patience. It can take months to have the kind of relationship with the resident where they trust me and care is easy. Many of the lessons I’ve learned with the elders I take home and can apply with my family.
Then when they pass away, they leave a mark on me.
The Eden Alternative talks about fighting the three plagues of loneliness, helplessness and boredom in elders. How do you help to do that?
When I give care, and I talk with them and share myself with them, I become their friend, and that helps with loneliness. My residents are close to my heart. That’s who I am. There’s something in me that connects to them.
It’s such a good feeling if you did your job well at the end of the day.
How were you able to serve an elder at their death?
Honeygirl was recently with a resident who lived with us for many years, and passed away suddenly. She wasn’t feeling well at lunch, so the care partners put her back to bed. Honeygirl was with her not long afterwards when she breathed her last. When we were able to get in touch with the family, they were sad that they weren’t there, but so happy when they heard Honeygirl was with her. They said it gave them comfort because it was like having a member of the family with their mom.
What is the most rewarding aspect of your job?
There’s lots of physically and emotionally challenging aspects of the job, especially working with people with dementia, but I have learned so much from them. I’ve learned how to help them, how to work with them, and how to make them smile and laugh. I’ve learned how important it is to help other people, not just elders. If we care for our elders, it makes their family happy as well.
It’s also important to look after your co-workers, too. It has to be a team, like a family.
What is your biggest challenge?
It’s hard when they refuse care, and it makes me feel sad, like I’m not doing my job.
So, sometimes, I sit with them and talk a bit. Sometimes about this and that, sometimes about my kids. One time I was with a resident, and he seemed so sad. I said to him, “What makes you happy?” We talked a bit about his family, and then I asked him if he wanted to see pictures of my kids. He did, and he was smiling and we were talking. Then I said, “Do you want to get ready now?” and he said, “Yes.” Just a little talking, communication and connecting, and his whole attitude changed.
If someone is refusing, I’ll give them time. I’ll walk away and come back after five minutes, and sometimes, something has changed. If not, then another try.
What advice would you give to all care partners?
I tell the students who work with us, “If you hear a negative thing from your co-worker or something, you can’t get sad or upset. It serves as a challenge for you. You have to stand up and do better. You learn from this one, from this one, from this one. There are four care partners in this area. We have different techniques. You apply, and it’s up to you to make it your own.
I just love to learn. I learn from the elders, from co-workers, from the families. That makes me so happy that I’m here. It’s like a home that you don’t even want to leave.
I’ve heard you say you love your job. Why?
I always love to work with elders, and when I come to work, I know I have a purpose. I love what I do. Sometimes it’s kind of challenging, but when I’m here, I know I’m doing what I should be doing.
That kind of says it all, doesn’t it?
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