“I feel like I’m looking for an angel with a halo and wings. Or maybe a whole chorus of angels, because one definitely won’t do.”
A week earlier…
Abby felt overwhelmed as she looked at the many notes she had spread across the dining room table. Mom would be returning home from rehab soon, and she’d strongly indicated she wanted to stay in her own home. Abby and her brother had looked at what she would need in terms of equipment and modifications to the house, and she was thankful he’d taken on most of that. A ramp to get in the house, raised toilet seats, grab bars in both bathrooms and a shower chair. The house had stairs to get to the bedroom, but the physio department at rehab was working with her mom on that. By the time she came home, she’d be able to go up and down the stairs. Probably only once a day at first, but it was manageable.
All that had been relatively easy.
But her mom would need hands-on care for at least part of the day, and finding the right fit was daunting.
Abby met with the staff at the rehab centre, and they gave her a clearer picture of the help her mother would need.
Someone would need to help her get dressed in the morning, at least until her cast came off, assist her with showering three times a week and make her breakfast. This person would leave lunch for her, which Mom could get from the fridge. In the evening, someone would have to make dinner and help her get to bed. Mom’s confusion had cleared, so if her medications were put in a pill box each week, she could manage that herself. Housecleaning, laundry and house maintenance were issues Abby would look at later.
Abby realized her mother’s vulnerable position. Strangers would be coming into her home and 
performing intimate tasks without supervision. How would she find the right people to do this, and what qualities were important, beyond the basic caregiving skills?
In the midst of the chaos in her mind and spread over the dining room table, she remembered Cheri, an acquaintance from church. Their family had arranged home care for their father, and had been doing it for a few years. Abby knew there must have been failures along the way, but when she phoned Cheri, that kind lady was delighted to have coffee with her and share some of what they had learned.
Cheri laughed at Abby’s comment about wings and halos. “Not exactly. But some of what you are looking for might surprise you.”
What to look for in a caregiver
- Heart.
“We’ve interviewed a few caregivers who said the right words, but it doesn’t feel like their heart is in the role. It can be tricky to assess that within an interview, but we’ve learned to trust our instincts and sift out who will genuinely care for our dad’s well-being. Some caregivers, and these are the kind you want, even tear up when talking about former clients they’ve lost. You sense they understand how sacred life is.”
2. Language
“This covers a few things. Any language barrier is especially difficult for our dad to negotiate, as he struggles with communication at this stage of his dementia. We need someone who will understand him and who is easily understood. We also listen to the way they use certain terms associated with care, like calling adult incontinent products “briefs,” the proper term, rather than saying “diapers.” It shows they know how to treat elders with dignity. We’re willing to correct them and let them know the language we’d like them to use, but in an initial interview, it can be a red flag and tell a lot about the person.”
Abby sipped her coffee. This wasn’t at all what she’d expected.
“Tell me more.”
Come back next week to hear the rest of Abby and Cheri’s enlightening conversation about the qualities of an excellent caregiver.