Lobster, Lasagna and Memories

Care partner stress is real, sometimes intense and wearing. When you are in the middle of the battle, you don’t want to hear “10 Ways to Beat Caregiver Stress” because most of them don’t speak to your situation, and you already know that stuff anyway. You want to hear how to get through today. I […]

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How To Offer Choice and Provoke Respect

I probably make a thousand choices in a day. Most of them are insignificant and don’t even hit my radar. Which of my flavoured coffees will I have this morning? What will I wear? Will I have a salad or a sandwich for lunch? After dinner, will I read a book, watch a movie or knit?

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Dear “Friends,” How Dare You?

My friend, who I will call Jane, has been going through hell as a care partner. Her husband is suffering from a serious form of brain cancer, and their lives have been one crisis after another lately. Surgery after surgery, infection, seizures and multiple hospitalizations. Each day is a roller coaster of emotions, as she tries

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The Small Miracle of Loose Ends

Have you ever had your shoelace come undone at a time when it’s impossible to stop and do it up? Your arms are full of parcels, or you are standing on a crowded subway platform? There is nothing more awkward than trying to two-step around a dangling shoe lace while attempting to keep your body

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The Reluctant Care Partner

Few people seek out the role of care partner. Of those who do, most of them are paid to fulfil the role, and only a small portion of those feel called to the position. For the most part, the role of care partner is thrust upon family members who embrace it more or less reluctantly.

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Advice on the Big Move to Long-Term-Care

A special person I know is moving her mom into care in the next month. What a frightening journey that can be! She wrote to me, asking for advice. This was my reply: I was so pleased to hear you and your family had made the difficult decision to find a place for your mom

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Maintaining Independence When You Need More Help

My car has reached that unfortunate state where the repairs and anticipated repairs mean I need to replace it. Ugh. I am leaving for vacation in less than a week. I wasn’t planning on taking my car, but the multitude of decisions necessary to get a new one will have to wait until I get

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How to Focus Your “Dementia-speak” and Produce Joy

Imagine you are 10 years old. Do you remember the house you lived in at that time? What did it look like? What did your mom and dad like to wear? Did your mom wear an apron and make your favourite foods? Was your dad busy at work all day, and did the family eat

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The Crippling Force of Anxiety

We often associate anxiety with dementia, and that’s legitimate. There’s nothing like an impaired memory to cause fear, especially if everything and everyone is new to you every day–that’s scary. But that’s a topic for another day. Elders who don’t suffer from cognitive decline, but have an anxiety disorder, have an especially poignant struggle. I

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How To Make Your Approach Diffuse Anger

Imagine you’re snuggled in bed having a great sleep, and at about 7:00 a.m., a stranger walks in your bedroom, turns on the light, and begins rifling through your clothes. As you cower under the sheets, she grabs the covers out of your hand, ripping them off you, and starts to perform some extremely personal

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