Supporting all who care for elders
Something about this quiet, gentle man intrigued me. I saw unconventional in his grey pony tail, I saw intelligence in his perceptive questions, but my overwhelming impression was a penetrating sadness. His wife of many years had moved to our floor because her dementia meant it wasn’t safe for her to live alone with him. […]
Dementia Has a Name, But It’s Not Your Elder’s. Read More »
Things aren’t always as they seem. Neither are people. You’d think by this point in my life I’d know that, and I do in theory, but I need to learn certain lessons over and over when they present themselves in a different context. Maybe you’ve found that, too. My job as an advocate mainly involved
What is the Most Important Aspect When Looking for a Caregiver? Read More »
Doesn’t this dog have guilt written all over his face? I can be easily motivated by guilt. “Grandma, we haven’t come over in so long. I miss you.” Immediately, plans are changed or cancelled. How had I let time slip by without seeing my precious girls? “How long since you’ve had your ducts cleaned?” (Ummm,
Are There Practical Weapons to Attack Feelings of Loneliness in Elders? Read More »
Vera sat in the easy chair in her room and allowed her mind to wander to the many times she’d felt she had no control of her life. Even when her physical body could bounce back, she’d struggled emotionally with the feeling before. Her mind took her back to when her first husband left her
Has Our Solution to Hospital Overcrowding Created Painful Loneliness for Elders? Read More »
Did you ever participate in an old fashioned tug-of-war game? Participants line up on either side of a sturdy rope, and at the command, everyone pulls for all their worth! Those on the sidelines yell and cheer, and eventually the stronger side pulls the rope, and the people holding it, to their side. As a
How to Navigate an Emotional Tug-of-War for Care Partners Read More »
The few days before the move to long-term-care rank high among the most stressful for the care partner, and often the elder as well. Here’s a peek into the care partner’s mind: Am I doing the right thing? Should I have done it sooner? Did I wait too long?
The Scary Move to Long-Term Care: 5 Ways to Prepare Read More »
It probably started with niggling thoughts chasing themselves through your brain. Mom looks unkept. She’d never allow anyone to see her with her hair unsettled before. She seems frail, too. I wonder if she’s eating enough. From there, perhaps you made an off comment to a sibling or other family member. “How do you think
How to Navigate the Minefield of Choosing a Long-Term-Care Home Read More »
“I’ll never put my mother in a home.” I’ve heard these words many times over the years. My biggest challenge is always to keep silent, or to carefully ask a few gentle questions. Spoken with conviction and often a sanctimonious air, the words don’t usually invite dialogue. Those eight words hold hidden messages and although not all
Why I Think My Care Choices For My Elder Are Better Than Yours Read More »
Margaret liked her stuff. She wasn’t the least bit materialistic. Not in the traditional sense. With her, it was all about the memories. Her sentimentality made it impossible to part with anything which had the slightest story attached to it. In her house, whole rooms were devoted to boxes of old pictures which she planned
How to Make Downsizing Your Friend Read More »
Freezing rain scares me. At work one day, freezing rain and wind swirled in the streets outside, and the bushes near the window became coated with ice. “Aren’t they pretty?” said a resident as she walked by. Yeah. Pretty. From the inside. When 4:00 o’clock came, I checked the window again, frowning. It
How to Navigate the Icy Ground of Change Read More »