Eric thought he cared for his elderly Dad.
Since Eric’s mother had died, he visited once a week, got him groceries, made sure his prescriptions were refilled and took him for appointments. Once in a while, they’d go to a sporting event together. If you asked him how his dad was doing, he’d say “He does okay.” Dad didn’t seem depressed, and he kept the place reasonably tidy. He missed Mom, sure, but he managed.
Until he didn’t.
Dad’s neighbour called Eric at work one day to tell him his dad had fallen and they’d taken him to hospital. “He may have broken something, Eric. He screamed when they moved him on the gurney.”
That day, Eric became a caregiver in ways he had never experienced. He learned several things in the next weeks that he should have accomplished in the weeks and months before today. If he’d made these preparations, the journey ahead would have been so much smoother.
- He should have had a plan for when his dad couldn’t manage at home alone any more.
- He should have talked to his Dad about what kind of care he wanted.
- They should have discussed end-of-life care and what his Dad wanted for funeral arrangements.
- He had noticed a few memory issues with his dad, and that he couldn’t handle things like grocery shopping. He started buying his food, but he should have asked more questions and gotten him assessed by the doctor.
- He should have learned more about the long-term-care system and the choices in his area.
Bottom line: Eric needed education and a plan. If he had looked into these things, he wouldn’t have felt the same panic as he drove to the hospital. He knew his dad’s injuries probably weren’t life-threatening, but they would be life changing. For both of them.
Eric’s father had a broken hip which required surgery, and a broken wrist which they set with a cast. The wrist had a hairline fracture which would heal quickly, but the hip would require living in a rehab facility for several weeks.
A few days into recovery and before he was moved to rehab, his dad’s doctor asked for a meeting with Eric. He had Power of Attorney for his father, and the doctor wanted to go over some test results and talk about his dad’s future.
“Did you realize when we admitted your father, he was dehydrated? That’s probably why he fell. He’s also underweight, and I can tell from the results of his blood work that he’s not taking his medications correctly or regularly.”
Eric felt short of breath. How had he not seen these things?
“I suspect he’s experiencing mild dementia. We can arrange for an assessment for him, or it can be done when he moves to rehab in a few days. But I think you need to realize that it won’t be safe for your father to live alone any more. You need to either start the processs to get him into long-term-care, or arrange for home care for him. Long-term-care admission doesn’t happen over night, so you should start immediately if you’re going that route. One of our social workers will contact you tomorrow.”
Eric felt pulled in a hundred directions. Is this what being a caregiver was really like?
Next week: What Eric learned