From last week: Eric’s caregiver journey began when his elderly father, who lived alone, fell and broke a hip and wrist. The doctor tells Eric he thinks his dad may suffer from mild dementia and suggests he gets tested.
Read last week’s blog here: https://smallmiracles.online/how-to-ask-the-right-questions-before-becoming-a-caregiver/
After meeting with the social worker, Eric realized how little he knew about what his dad faced, and it scared him. She gave him pamphlets and suggested other online reading, and he spent every free moment trying to catch up. He knew why he didn’t do this earlier. He’d dealt with the situation at hand, like needing to help with the groceries, and hadn’t considered the future.
Wishing wouldn’t help. but if he could go back…
He asked the doctor at the hospital to arrange the cognitive assessment for his father before he went to rehab. As predicted, it came back that Dad had mild to moderate dementia. He could still perform some of the activities of daily living, such as dressing, hygiene and feeding himself, but things like managing his medications and paying bills were beyond him. He couldn’t live alone.
The social worker gave him suggestions of places dad could live which were close to Eric. It wasn’t like renting an apartment. You couldn’t walk in and sign him up. The process involved reams of paperwork with the government, an assessment by one of their people and waiting. The social worker got him started, but once dad went to rehab, she was out of the picture and he was on his own.
He took the list she gave him and began to visit the homes suggested. They offered tours, and he tried to imagine his dad in each scenario. Some places smelled of urine and strong detergent, and others looked tired and broken down. The nicer ones had long waiting lists.
One place he visited, located not far from Eric’s home, impressed him. It’s wasn’t fancy: it did look a little worn around the edges. However, the people who lived there seemed active and even…happy. They had a garden area with raised beds where even people in wheelchairs could work. He watched exercise classes in one area and a group singing the oldies in another. Of all the places he’d seen, this is where he could picture Dad. He was allowed three choices, but this one went at the top of the list.
The application process completed, he had to figure out next steps for when Dad came out of rehab. He had no idea how long they would have to wait for admission to his place of choice. They told him that if one of the others on his list came up, he could get his dad admitted there and stay on the list until his place of choice came up. That seemed like a terrible option. Dad’s mild confusion might go through the roof as he tried to negotiate one new place after another.
He came up with a plan he thought they could all live with. It wasn’t perfect, especially for Eric, but it seemed workable. Dad would come home to his own familiar environment. Eric hired a lovely male personal support worker to stay with him during the day while Eric was at work. Roal did physio with him, handled his medications and took him for walks. Dad thought they were helping Roal out by giving him a place to live, and he liked the guy. The peace of mind it gave Eric was worth every cent.
At night, Eric stayed with his Dad. He’d thought of just moving Dad to his house, but again, too many changes. Running between houses was awkward and exhausting, but it wouldn’t be forever.
Would it?
Next week: the move to long-term-care