Libby had taught the junior grades for 30 years, and she’d loved it. Certainly, she saw problems today which had been unknown when her career began, but she’s done her research and had learned new approaches. Kids were kids, after all, and they needed encouragement and for someone to believe in them. And sometimes, consequences.
When she overheard the conversation between two of her peers suggesting it was past time she retired, it knocked her flat emotionally. Of course, she knew retirement was inevitable, but she considered it down the road, in the future. Now it seemed the road had ended and the future was now. She retired at the end of that school year, and although they threw her a lovely party, she couldn’t help but wonder how many other of her co-workers were thinking, “It’s about time.”
Now, even though summer invited her to go outside in the garden, or to walk through her neighbourhood, she stayed home and brooded. She felt like a boat cut loose from its moorings, drifting aimlessly. She knew retirement took some adjustment, but she had lost her purpose. The children she taught and making a difference in their lives had been her motive and goal, and she floundered and began to spiral into depression.
Is depression a normal outcome of getting older? Even though 20% of people over 65 deal with this mental health issue, and the number escalates for people over 80, it is not normal. Many older people have full lives where they feel they contribute, connect with others and are seldom bored.
Many years ago, Dr. Bill Thomas identified the three plagues of elders–loneliness, helplessness and boredom. Any one of those conditions can lead to depression, so it behoves us to take another look. In the past I have studied them in terms of “senior elders,” or those in their late 80s and beyond. Younger elders can also deal with these issues, and a closer look is warranted.
During the pandemic, I realized that even shy introverts who like their own company can have too much alone time. Unfortunately, I didn’t take that knowledge into my life when the restrictions lifted. It recently struck me that I have a few good friends. Wonderful, special people on whom I depend. But their number is small. If even one of them were to be removed from my life, I’d struggle. Bottom line, I need to be proactive and connect more.
Loneliness isn’t about being alone, or not exclusively. I like to be alone, and most of the things I do in a day are best done alone. Sewing, gardening, writing, baking, reading–none of these need company. Loneliness is about connection, and all of us need that. It’s why you can feel alone in a room full of people if you have no connection with them. Anyone can feel lonely, but it’s a special hazard for shy introverts like myself who find the world too “peopley.”
Libby saw herself sinking into depression as the weeks passed, and she realized she needed help. She invited a friend to tea and laid out the problem.
“What is something you’ve always wanted to do but never had time for when you were working? Maybe something you wanted to learn?”
“I always wanted to get in better shape. I tried at times, but always gave it up. And I always wanted to try watercolour painting. I even bought myself the brushes, paints and paper, but I didn’t know what I was doing and gave it up.”
Her friend smiled at her. The answers were obvious. That fall, Libby signed up for water aerobics and a beginner’s watercolour class at the local senior’s centre. Way outside of her comfort zone, she almost didn’t attend, but she pushed herself. Not only did she have fun and learn a new skill, she made connections and went out for coffee after class with some of her new friends.
I’m preaching to myself. Connection is vital to fight loneliness, and especially us shy, introverted types need to address it.