Care Partners: The Magic of Not Trying to Do It All

/ Anxiety, Care Partners, Stress /

“I should be able to do this.” What this well-dressed, beautiful senior lady was referring to was moving herself and her husband from the home they had lived in for most of their married years. The initial decision to move was one she had to make alone. He was no longer able to participate. All the decisions about what to keep and what to give away, how to set up her apartment and his suite on the care floor, and how to help him settle into his new home, fell to her. The family would help, of course, but she was feeling the heavy weight of responsibility.

And no wonder!

We often consider anxiety as it relates to our elders, but care partners face wave after wave of anxiety as they cope with the challenges each stage of caring brings.

Here are a few examples:

  1. Can I cope with caring for my loved one at home, or am I reaching the end of my abilities?
  2. How can I negotiate the hazy world of long-term care application?
  3. What is the best place for my elder? How can I find a place where I will be able to sleep at night, knowing they are lovingly cared for?
  4. Will I be able to tell them they are moving in a way they can understand?
  5. How can I help them adjust to this new environment?
  6. My elder is changing, and it frightens me. Is this something major, or just a small infection?
  7. My elder fell, and I’m afraid it will happen again. He didn’t break anything this time, but we might not be so lucky again. He keeps walking without his walker.
  8. I see a decline and it scares me. What does the future hold?
Every part of the care partner journey can be wrought with anxiety. “I should be able to do this.” We are hard on ourselves.
Here are some suggestions if you are a care partner and are feeling overwhelmed with anxiety.
Find support. There are excellent groups (such as the Alzheimer Society, Parkinson’s Support groups etc.) with help for you about the specific issues you are dealing with. Part of anxiety is lack of knowledge, and when you have a better idea of what you are dealing with, anxiety lessens. Find a place where you can ask your questions.
Be kind to yourself. No one is on top of every situation all the time. Losses (such as those that come with decline) require time for grieving. Painful decisions and difficult conversations need to be recovered from. Watch the words you say to yourself. Make sure they are kind.
Schedule small breaks. A weekend away. A night out. You will be a better care partner for it.
“I should be able to do this.” You can and you will, but only if you treat yourself well.
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