It began with a fall.
Abby got the call at work and rushed to the hospital to meet the ambulance that brought her mother there. Mom had gone out to take the garbage to the curb and had slipped on some black ice. The kids had all left for school and the street was deserted, so she lay there several minutes until the garbage truck came along. The horrified garbage men phoned 911 and put their coats over her to keep her warm.
Mom was admitted and required surgery on her hip, as well as a cast to repair her broken arm. The pain killers they gave her as she recovered caused confusion, and the urinary tract infection she developed made that worse. She finally made it to rehab, where she stayed several weeks, learning to walk again and take care of herself. Activities like using the toilet, dressing and making meals now required some help. The confusion had mostly abated, but Abby noticed her mother tired easily, and when tired, she didn’t cope as well.
Abby knew her mother wanted to stay in the home she’d lived in for over 50 years. But they’d need ramps and grab bars…her head began to swim.
Abby needed help. She worked full time, and although her children were grown, she couldn’t be
there for her mom as much as was needed. Someone had to bathe her, help her get dressed, make light meals for her. Abby could do the laundry, but didn’t relish taking on cleaning her mother’s house as well as her own.
And after all the care was finished, what about the things that made life special? Mom loved time in the garden in the good weather, knitting and crocheting for the great-grandchildren and chatting with friends over a cup of tea. How was all that to happen?
Abby began making lists. What could Mom do on her own? What could she do with minimal support? What kinds of activities needed supervision? In what areas would she need full care? How many hours in a day would that be needed?
Even if she hired someone, or several “someones,” she couldn’t fill in all the empty spaces. She had a younger brother who would have to be involved in some way. Perhaps he could contribute financially, and take their mom out shopping or to an event on occasion. Mom had peers who could visit, and neighbours who would check on her. Her church had a buddy system for seniors. She would get her signed up for that.
But she still had to hire some people to come in during the day and help. What kind of skills and personalities did they need? Mom was vulnerable, and this was her home. What should these person(s) be like?
And what about Mom? She needs to have input into the whole process.
This month we’ll follow Abby as she decides what kind of care she needs and what attributes she’s looking for in an ideal caregiver.