I killed my tomato plant.
I’m a decent gardener and puttering in my garden brings me great joy. I don’t often kill plants. When I saw my tomato plant withering, I took it personally.
The plant had come home from the garden centre looking healthy and already growing a few tomatoes. I planted it in a larger pot with both compost and potting soil. I watered it. It got plenty of sun. So why was it looking limper and sadder every day?
I discovered the problem. The new, bigger pot I’d purchased for my plant had no drain hole. I was literally drowning it with love.
Why would a pot that was designed for plants have no drainage? (Good question!) But the truth is that plants need water, and they need a means for the excess to drain off. Without this, they shrivel and die.
Humans, too.
As those who give care, our lives can be consumed with the needs of those we care for. Frail elders often have multiple medical issues. Mobility, sight, hearing and diseases that need to be managed. All these require medical appointments (physio, optometrist, audiologist, general practitioner and multiple specialists). Then there are the many supports which need to be managed: canes, walkers and wheelchairs, raised toilet seats and bath bars. Beyond that are medications. Most elders take five or more medications, several times a day (not always at the same time.)
Some elders can manage these on their own, but many need at least some support. No wonder, as caregivers, we think more of what needs to be done.
We are watering with no drain hole.
Eventually, our elders will wilt.
Everyone, no matter how impaired, needs a chance to give as well as receive. Everyone needs to feel that they can add to the lives of others in a meaningful way.
But how?
Someone I knew worked in an area of a home where all the residents had dementia. She would bring a basket of towels to a group of ladies, and they would fold them. When they were finished, she would thank them, take the basket away and come back a few minutes later with another one. When my friend left, one of the ladies turned to another and said, “You know she’s dumping the basket we just folded out and bringing it back to us.” The other lady replied, “Yes, I know. But this makes her happy, so I keep doing it.”
Meaningful is the key. Not busywork.
But how do you do it, given multiple impairments?
We will look at reciprocal care this month. How to receive care from your elder and ways in which to make it possible for them to give.
We’ll help that plant grow. 😀
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