They are everywhere but you may not know them. It might be the person in the next office at work, ahead of you in the grocery line-up or living on your street. They might be your friends or your parents. They are living with chronic pain, and you may not be aware. If you are, you may have no idea of the impact on their lives.
If you aren’t aware of their suffering or it’s scope, it’s probably not your fault. Until the day I could no longer hide it, I kept my pain to myself. Why?
- It’s boring to anyone but me
- It can be embarrassing (when my pain first started, I was in my early 50s and still felt young and strong.)
- It’s chronic. It doesn’t go away. Refer to point number one.
- I don’t want to be defined by it or give it too large a place in my life.
But here’s the kicker. When my pain was tolerable, just something I lived with each day, I was judgemental. Never out loud, but in my head I said unkind things to those who complained, took extra time off work or made their limitations known. I’m ashamed of that judgement now, and will never do it again. But maybe I’m not the only one who needs to learn how chronic pain affects people. Now that I’ve lived it, perhaps my insights need to be shared.
Chronic pain fills your head
Pain is a dictator who fills your head as you negotiate through your day.
I’ve been awake since 3 am because pain woke me and wouldn’t let sleep return. I got up at 5 and took my pain meds. At 8, I went back upstairs to shower and dress. Although my body was screaming for a rest, I needed to get the recycle out for pick-up. Six trips back and forth to the garage later, I was done. But my groceries are coming this morning, so I also needed to put a chair with a large bin on it by the front door. This is the method I’ve developed to get groceries from the front door to the kitchen counter without having to make 15 trips. Now, I can sit down with the heating pad at my back. It’s 10:00 am.
Every action and accomplishment needs to be thought through, and this takes up valuable head space. 
Chronic pain changes your brain
This is a little scary, and motivating if someone wasn’t open to exploring every avenue to get relief.
Chronic pain affects my emotions, my self-esteem, my everything
In a visit over Christmas, I realized I couldn’t safely look after my (then) seven-month old granddaughter by myself. I could sit with her on my lap and amuse her, but I couldn’t safely walk with her. That ate at the depths of my identity as “Grandma.”
Chronic pain makes me feel vulnerable and incapable. It changes my perception of who I am, what I can contribute and and essentially, my self-worth. It leads to depression. Fear hovers as the next step might be tolerable, or it might send pain shooting through my body. I never know.
My good news
At the end of February, I am having a total hip replacement. I will always have arthritis, and there may be severe flair-ups again, but after a time of recovery I should get my life back again. I’ll be able to do things and my chronic pain will return to acceptable, manageable levels.
Not so with many others. It goes on and on and on. New medications, new treatments, new ways of coping are always available to try and some might be helpful. But I’ve learned through this adventure that our most important resource is each other. Those who helped me the most have been those who were willing to be there and do things when I needed it, step back when I needed to do things for myself and treat me like a normal person through it all.
These are lessons I will take forward in my life.
Maybe you will too.
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