Have you heard of the 5 love languages?
For over 30 years, Gary Chapman has been telling us how to relate to each other by understanding how we best understand giving and receiving love. He talks about “keeping the love tank full” and warns that “isolation is devastating to the human psyche.” 1. Published in 1992, The 5 Love Languages has had a profound impact on how a generation loves and feels loved.
It’s had a profound impact on me.
The love languages are:
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
- Receiving Gifts
I sneakily listed them in the order they appear in my life. Because that’s the challenge. Everyone’s love languages are in
a different order, or one may have more importance than another. Understanding your own love language (“how do I feel loved?”) and the love language of someone you are in relationship with (“how do I express love to them in a way that makes them feel loved?”) is the key to everything.
Here’s how it works: Imagine my partner had “receiving gifts” as their main love language, whereas mine was quality time. So he brings me home a gallon of my favourite ice cream, but goes into the den and watches TV alone after dinner. Would I feel loved? Conversely, I ask to spend time together on a regular basis, which he finds demanding, but wonders why I never get him treats except for special occasions. Both are trying to express love in our own love language, without understanding the other’s.
No wonder this communication thing is so difficult.
No, this hasn’t suddenly become a relationship blog.
I began to think about the 5 love languages as they relate to elders. Even with the challenges of frail health, dementia, chronic pain etc., the love languages apply. Knowing someone’s love language and using that knowledge to express love to them can become key in relating, loving and quality of life.
In February, we ask, “Will you be my Valentine?” I’d like to look, this month and next, at the love languages and how we can better understand and love our elders with this tool.
It’s been revolutionary for me to understand my own love languages and those I love. Are you interested? Why not start with taking the test to understand your own love languages first? It may not be possible for your elder to do so, but as you understand this better, you can make an educated guess and begin to express love to them in the way they can best receive it.
Click here for The Five Love Languages Test. https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
- The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman, 1992.
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