When I think of wise people, Gertrude comes to mind. A simple lady without post-secondary education, she became best friends with Evelyn. I sometimes wonder if she sat in the blue lounge chair in her room one night and thought, “Evelyn needs me.” and set out to help. Quiet and gentle, she was also blind, but didn’t let that stop her.
Evelyn had an anxiety disorder and suffered from depression. She felt safest in her room, and that’s where she stayed except for meals and appointments. She kept the lights off to save electricity (even though it was part of her monthly bill) and the curtains drawn. It felt like a tiny, stifling cave.
Gertrude knew isolation caused Evelyn to sink deeper into depression. At meals, she would bring the monthly calendar with her and have Evelyn read it to her. They would discuss what activities sounded interesting. But when Evelyn got back in her room, all bets were off. She wasn’t going anywhere.
Gertude would sidle up to her open door and quietly call, “Are you coming?”
“No.”
A few minutes silence, then “Are you ready to go?”
“I’m not going.”
More silence. Gertrude, at almost 100, wasn’t strong, but she quietly maintained her vigil at the door. She said little, but she didn’t leave.
Finally, with an exasperated huff, Evelyn said, “Oh, for heaven sake. Okay, I’ll go.”
I watched the two walkers head down the hall and thought, “Gertrude is one wise lady.”
On a good day, Evelyn would say, “I am her eyes, but she is my courage.”
Evelyn was clinically depressed and had an anxiety disorder. She took multiple medications to try to help her, and they were marginally successful. But even someone with serious depression like hers benefitted from a caring friend who was there (and stayed there) for her.
I’m not qualified to talk about clinical depression in the elderly. I will address when to get help, but if you see depression in your elder that isn’t resolved in a few weeks, you need to talk to their doctor.
As a care partner, you have a significant role in dealing with depression in your elder. That’s the good news. You can help!
Why is depression among elders a problem? Think about it. 
- Their bodies aren’t able to do what they could even a few years ago. Even among the most healthy, there is a slowing down, and many have multiple illnesses.
- Their friends are dying.
- Many suffer from multiple losses, such as independence, health, familiar housing etc.
- All of the above can lead to a loss of purpose. They may feel that they have no reason to keep living.
Does that sound depressing to you?
As a care partner, you are able to look for signs of depression and help in practical ways to improve the situation. Sometimes one small change will make a world of difference.
In late December 2019, I retired. I didn’t want to, but my arthritis was making the commute more difficult and I knew it was time. I had a plan. I would get through that first winter and then volunteer at my workplace one day a week. Maybe I would cook with my elder friends or take my dog in to visit.
Then the pandemic hit. Within a few weeks, I couldn’t go anywhere, let alone to a long-term-care facility. I went from working with 30 staff and other Advocates, to just me and the dog. It was winter, my worst months of the year. Every day the news got scarier. Several of my elder friends died in the pandemic. My arthritis got worse and a hip replacement loomed. I struggled with depression.
During that dark time, I found some answers. I prayed a lot. I journaled. I made myself get out of the house and walk every day. Once a week, I Skyped with two friends. I kept in touch with family by text and through social media. I used a SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) lamp every day to deal with the lack of light. I wrote about the pandemic, because I knew I wasn’t the only one struggling.
This month, we are looking at depression. As a care partner, you can start by recognizing the signs of depression and then take practical steps and make small changes to make life better for your elder.
Be a Gertrude.
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