Sharon looked through her recipes and sighed. She’s made Christmas cookies with her mom since she had stood on a stool to reach the counter and the apron she wore dusted her feet. They’d laughed and told stories and the kitchen had filled with the amazing smells of gingerbread and shortbread cookies. But this year…
Her mother had been diagnosed with dementia almost a year ago, and Sharon had seen changes. She probably couldn’t follow a recipe anymore. And what about the rest of the holiday? Mom had always loved to decorate, but she tired easily now, and it might be overwhelming. And the activities that had always been so important, like visiting Christmas markets, shopping for the grandchildren, and the Christmas Eve service at church? Sharon wanted to create happy times for her mom, but how? And how much was too much?
Sharon did some reading, and three themes emerged from all the advice.
Make use of the senses
Maintain familiar routines
Keep it simple
Sharon pondered. Excitement built in her as she thought of ways she could apply these principles to each activity and experience.
Sensory memory
Sharon read how the senses (vision, hearing, and even taste, touch and smell) can become impaired as people age. Not everyone experiences this with each sense, but most people have some difficulties. Conversely, though, the senses can bring back hidden memories, and with them, great pleasure.
Sharon started with cookie baking. Of all her mom’s recipes, she chose the shortbread cookies and some chocolate bars she made every year. Both recipes were simple, and each had a delicious, familiar smell. She set aside two afternoons, and together they made these treats. As the smells filled the kitchen, they reminisced about other Christmases when they were served at family gatherings. They each allowed the buttery shortbread to melt on their tongues and grinned.
Sharon remembered how Mom would sit and smell the aroma of the tree when they had a real one, and how sad she had been when they had to start using a fake one. She knew she couldn’t manage a real tree, but she brought some fir branches in to decorate the mantle.
As kids, they’d always made time to drive around to see the lights. When she asked her mom, she replied with an enthusiastic, “Yes!” The two of them went one night for a short drive. Her mother’s joy at the displays made the evening special.
Sharon made a playlist of some of her mom’s favourite Christmas music. When “O Holy Night” was finished, Mom told her about her friend who used to sing that every year, and how she never hears it without thinking of Marilyn. Wow.
Not every experiment brought profound results. Some were met with polite smiles and vacant looks. But often, a smell or a sound would bring a sparkle to Mom’s eyes and a memory to reminisce over.
Sharon realize seeing these things through her mother’s eyes wasn’t only touching buried memories for her mother, but making the season more special for Sharon herself.