It’s time to get specific!
As I plan for a mentally healthy winter, I need to do some introspection. What I discover won’t be the same for you, but the process is similar. Look at what matters to you, large and small, and what you can and can’t control. Then fill your life with what matters, control what you can, and do your best at letting go of the rest. Finally, get help if you need it and be gentle with yourself.
What matters
It matters to know what matters. Why? Because if something matters and you don’t recognize it, it can niggle away at you in the background and you don’t recognize it until it becomes a big problem.
An example: Some people’s idea of a great day is one where they stay in their pajamas. To them, this means relaxed, stress-free, and happy. To me, this would be torture. I would live on the knife-edge of worry that someone will ring my doorbell and find me in this state. I need to be showered, dressed, my hair styled and my bed made before I enjoy my first swallow of coffee.
Neither one is right or wrong. But it’s important that I realize what causes and what relieves stress in me.
Care partner, what about you? You may be in a situation where it’s hard or even impossible to establish a routine. It may not even be necessary, depending on your temperament. But it’s crucial that you figure out what matters and do what you can to make it happen.
Here are a few more from my personal list:
- Accomplishment matters. As I mentioned before, there are no long lists anymore, but one housework item a day makes me feel in control.
- Clutter matters. Something inside me begins to come unhinged if there are too many items on the stairs waiting to go upstairs or be taken out to the car or whatever. I need to stop and deal with it all, and I will feel more relaxed.
- Dirt matters. I’m definitely not a neat freak, but when I see the “dog-hair bunnies” rolling across the floor an appointment with the Swiffer will give me the ability to concentrate on other things.
- Colour matters. Whether it’s wearing my bright yellow hoody or buying some cut flowers every few weeks, I need colour in my life.
This isn’t complete, but you get the idea. Your list will probably be completely different, but you need to recognize and write down what’s on the list.
Make a plan
Have you ever been in one of those meetings where everyone brainstorms ideas and they get considered until the crazy ones dissolve and the great rise to the top? You need to have a meeting of one (or perhaps get input from friends and family) and discover for yourself what works for you. Remember, a plan is fluid. Something may sound great until you try it once. Or an item may sound crazy and become a regular part of your week. It’s your plan and your mental health. Do what works until it doesn’t.
Here are a few of my ideas. Perhaps something will inspire you.
- Write or record memories together. Make a video.
- Same as above, but specific to the pandemic. Some day this will be history.
- Listen to talk radio and learn new information every day.
- Look on Pinterest for simple craft ideas and make them as gifts, or just for fun.
- Get outside, even if only for a few minutes, every day. Breathe the air, greet a neighbour, look around.
- Plant seeds and watch them grow.
- Plan something fun at least once a week. More often if possible.
- Take pictures. Digital cameras make it possible to choose the best from multiple shots. Catch your elder laughing, thinking, making a funny face. Someday you will be so thankful for these.
- Play a game. Can they still manage a simple board game, card game, or even something like cribbage? I’ve known people with advanced dementia who can beat the pants off me in cribbage.
- Watch an old (or new) movie together.
No one is perfect
No matter what, everyone has bad days. Be kind and forgiving of yourself. Take life easy. Give yourself permission to start over tomorrow. The benefit of a concrete list is that when tomorrow comes, you can look at it and say, “Let’s try this today.”
Get help if you need it. Mental health is serious and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Talk to a professional if the bad days persist.
You aren’t alone.
Do you have an idea on your list which might help others? Add it to the comments section. Let’s all hold hands and help each other.
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Great ideas. And useful for schools new to inclusion. Amelita Lowrance Sonya
Thank you!