In her caregiver journey, Sharon discovered that routine was king.
In the mornings, she brought her mom a cup of tea in bed after she woke. Then Mom got up, used the washroom, washed herself and brushed her teeth. Once dressed, she ate breakfast, and often had a nap in her chair. Later she read, had lunch, and sometimes they went for a short walk. After dinner, she had a few shows she liked to watch, and then the bedtime routines started.
Sharon had learned the hard way that you don’t mess with routine. She’d accepted an early doctor’s appointment one time that had necessitated her rushing Mom, and it ended in anxiety and anger. But was there a way to maintain routine and still add in some holiday magic?
She began to evaluate and experiment. She realized that the morning routine grounded Mom for the day, and keeping it made more flexibility later possible. Naps were also set in stone, although there was a little wiggle room around the timing of them. When Mom was tired, she couldn’t cope with much, and she seldom had periods of clarity.
Sharon learned about buy-in. She talked to her mother about what things she’d really like to do this year, and which were nice memories. They came up with a list:
- Mom wanted to make a gingerbread house with her 5-year-old great granddaughter. She’d done this with her children and grandchildren, and wanted to experience it with little Madison.
- She wanted to help decorate the tree.
- Family time meant a lot to her.
- She wanted to attend the Christmas Eve service at church.
Modify, modify, modify
Sharon began to see that participation meant something different at this stage of her mother’s life. Often, half an hour was enough time to do something, even if she loved it.
However, occasionally, her Mom surprised her.
She had the gingerbread house put together, the icing in bags and the candy ready in small
bowls when Madison arrived. Mom was fresh from her nap. They had a delightful time with many giggles and more than a few candies disappearing into both their mouths.
Mom got the greatest joy out of unwrapping familiar “heirloom” decorations (such as the tinsel halo Sharon had worn at the Christmas concert where she played an angel.) Sharon did all the decorating and everyone enjoyed themselves.
Sharon scheduled family time at Mom’s best time of the day–a window in the afternoon after nap time and before dinner. She warned everyone coming that an hour should be their maximum visit, and it may be less if Mom was waning. Two short visits worked better than a long one.
They discussed the Christmas Eve service many times. It was in the evening, typically not her best time, and Sharon feared the crowds would be overwhelming. They could watch it online, but Mom wanted to go. Sharon adjusted nap time and dinner that night, but still wondered if she’d have to take Mom out part-way through. 
Not a chance! Mom greeted people as she came in, even when she couldn’t remember their names. She stood and sang the carols in a strong voice, and her face glowed when the candles were lit. When they announced there would be cookies and cider in the foyer after the service, she turned to Sharon and said, “Let’s go!” Sharon’s astonishment continued as Mom moved around greeting people. When they finally left, Mom sighed and said, “That was beautiful.”
Alzheimer’s and related dementias aren’t a steady downward spiral. With adherence to routines, modification and flexibility, a little Christmas magic can be added to the season.