The whole song leaves me wondering. Partridges are small for eating, pear trees are dormant in winter and as for the leaping lords and milking maids…forget it. (The five golden rings have possibilities, but I got a golden engagement ring in March and a golden wedding band in September, so I’m good for rings as well.)
I’ve got something much better. Twelve gifts for a dementia Christmas. Here we go. I dare you not to sing along…
On the first day of Christmas, dementia gave to me…planning.
Things can’t be as they always were. If you have lived through a few Christmases, you know this, but if this is your first, you need to evaluate a few things. And even if you walked with dementia last year, the whole scenario may have changed since then. Here is what you should consider in your planning:
- What are your elder’s needs, and what part of your Christmas celebrations would either bless or stress/agitate them?
- What part of what you traditionally do at Christmas can you handle this year (given the extra load dementia places on you) and what needs to be set aside or delegated?
Look at what you do or don’t plan based on your answers.
On the second day of Christmas, dementia gave to me…simplicity.
Simplifying or downsizing might mean cutting certain activities out completely. Or, it might mean looking creatively at how your elder can be included in parts of the celebration which would be meaningful to them. Here are a few examples:
- Instead of decorating the tree, bring a small tray of old, familiar ornaments to your elder and look at them together. Or have them pick out an ornament or two to put on the tree, then sit and watch while the family decorates.
- Consult together about Christmas baking. Reminisce about family recipes and traditional foods. Perhaps, choose one favourite and have them participate, in any way that seems appropriate. Or ask them to taste test.
If driving to look at Christmas lights was a favourite, evaluate if this would still bring joy. If so, find a few streets ahead of time which are beautiful but not overwhelming. Don’t choose the streets with the houses so lit they cause traffic jams, but some simple, fun places. Keep the timing to about 30 minutes, and make sure they are close.
On the third day of Christmas, dementia gave to me…family and friends.
Delegate! Although everyone is busy this time of year, many would be happy to spend an afternoon helping out. Plan a visit or activity around rested times, and make suggestions about how to spend the time. Some elders would love to get out, and a short excursion would bring joy. Others would prefer a short visit. Or, if disturbing the routine causes stress, ask if they would do something to help you, such as share Christmas baking or put up the Christmas lights. It’s hard to ask, but many would love to help if they just knew what was needed.
On the fourth day of Christmas, dementia gave to me…a tough skin.
…which is difficult when you are tired and stressed. However, it’s a great gift to give yourself. A tough skin realizes that sometimes, even with all the planning and simplifying and delegating, it doesn’t work. It turns out to be a bad day, or agitation rises, or there are tears (maybe yours.) A tough skin realizes this truth: “I did my best. It’s not my fault.”
I have more gifts in my bag (ho, ho, ho) so join us next week. The one for the fifth day may be the most valuable of all.
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