Pandemic Mental Health–How to Focus on What You Can Control

Sheryl slumped against the back of the couch. The world felt like such a scary place. New variants of the virus, thousands of deaths in India and now the U.K.’s numbers were escalating. Her own community faced a lockdown which the government had extended before the last one ended. Were the schools safe for her grandchildren? Would she ever get to see them again? She knew Dan sensed her moods even if she didn’t speak about her worries, and she had to get a handle on this. But how?

What can you control?

“Not much,” thought Sheryl as she snapped off the TV. But as she thought about it, she realized that wasn’t true. She had no sway over world events but there were areas of her world she could command.

Limit news and social media. Sheryl needed to know what transpired in the world, no matter how horrific. But she didn’t need a steady diet of it all day long. She started listening to CNN and her local station in the morning, and checking the headlines in the news emails she received. Dan had stopped reading the newspaper months ago so she cancelled their subscription. If something serious occurred and she needed to investigate further, she could look it up online. Breaking news could break tomorrow morning. She restricted her news time to an hour in the morning.
Limit exposure. The best ways to keep themselves safe remained the ones everyone talked about–masks, social distancing, hand washing. But because of his dementia, Dan didn’t do any of these well, so she needed to keep him away from people. This kept them safe but the isolation overwhelmed her sometimes. Could she combat this?
Set boundaries. Sheryl realized that limiting their exposure to others set a positive boundary, but she knew of other measures she needed. She’d figured out long ago that she couldn’t do it all, but she’d allowed this to lead her to guilt. No more. She made a list of all the household chores and separated them into tasks she enjoyed and those which drained her. She’d never been a fan of housework or cutting the grass but she loved to garden and shovelling snow became a time to chat with neighbours she didn’t see much through the long winter. Dan would help and they enjoyed the fresh air. Sheryl went through her list and looked into hiring help, even every few weeks, for the most difficult tasks. The cleaning company would only come if they left the house, so she took Dan for a drive and had a picnic lunch those days–in the car if it was winter. Creativity abounded.
Watch your self talk. Sheryl noticed how nasty the voices in her head could be. When she baked, they reminded her that they hadn’t walked yet today. When they walked, the thought of other uncompleted tasks niggled at her brain. She made a conscious effort to control them. At first, she didn’t notice, but when she felt the pressure and stress she told herself, “Do your best. It’s all you can do.” She repeated it constantly.
Get support. Support looked different than it had pre-covid. Respite care and the art program Dan enjoyed faced the same lockdown restrictions as the restaurants and hair salons. But she found some online groups that helped. Amazingly, an online art class for people with dementia existed, and although she needed to participate as well, Dan loved it and it improved his mood for hours afterward. For herself, she found an online group through the Alzheimer society. And she and two of her closest friends scheduled a once-a-week Zoom meeting during a time Dan watched one of his favourite programs. It wasn’t perfect, but she found herself looking forward to each of these activities.
Keep an eye on mental health. Even with all this, sometimes the days dragged and she felt weepy. She knew others who weren’t caregivers struggled as well, and everyone felt the stress at some point. She watched closely, though, that it didn’t last for more than a few days. A lot of small habits improved both their outlooks, like making sure they were hydrated, exercise and fresh air. Sheryl started journalling and discovered the pages of her notebook provided a listening ear when no friend could be with her. As goofy as it sounded, she joined a clean humour group on Facebook and something about the groaners she read lightened her mood, if only for a few minutes. She kept an eye on Dan’s mental health as well. She knew he couldn’t express what he felt, so she watched for sad expressions, lethargy or angry outbursts. She would discuss it with her doctor if she saw a pattern which concerned her.