Sometimes reciprocal care takes a little work.
Operation Christmas Child is a wonderful program of Samaritan’s Purse. Special boxes are packed for children of various ages with items like clothes, school supplies, small toys, books etc. They are then distributed by the organization to children who would otherwise not receive a Christmas present and who need many of the items in the boxes.
Even residents with advanced dementia love children and want to help. They also love being a part of something with a bigger purpose which makes a difference. Of course, many of them couldn’t physically shop for the items needed, so we as staff did that part. We hauled home giant bags of everything needed, and spread them on long tables. Some residents removed all the price tags, while others sorted them into items for babies or older children, boys or girls. Then we personalized each box (such as, boy, age seven) and they began to fill them. When they finished, we had enough boxes to stack them in the front foyer in the shape of a Christmas tree for a few days until they were taken for distribution. When people walked by that display and asked about it, we told them what our residents did. With a little help.
Emotional support
One of the best ways to allow elders to give back is to give them the chance to listen and care. Encourage younger children to tell grandparents about problems at school. Discuss relationship problems and get their input. The love and caring is already there, and needs to be tapped into.
Advice
Closely aligned to emotional support is asking advice. One of our single advocates used to sit with the ladies in the afternoon over a cup of tea and ask their advice about boys. Those were lively discussions! Everyone had an opinion about how a lady should be treated, and they weren’t reluctant to voice it.
Community support
Being an elder with mobility issues or dementia can be isolating. Any time they are able to connect with the larger community lessens that isolation.
In good weather, we often had afternoon tea on the patio. As we sat, parents and children were coming home from school and would pass by, wave and say, “Hi.” Many days, the same people passed, and a friendly connection developed.
Lots of opportunities can be modified to include elders. Giving food to the food bank, baking cookies (with assistance) for someone who is sick, making a phone call to someone who is lonely.
Sharing stories
Elders have a treasure trove of stories. Even if you have heard them before, encourage 
them to talk about their experiences. If possible, record or videotape these stories, so they aren’t lost. Even if you aren’t related to the elder, their stories can become part of the richness of your life. Years later, I remember the stories one lady told me about being a young wife on the farm without electricity or running water, or a gentleman’s story about how he met and wooed his wife. These stories remain precious memories.
Giving elders a chance to give back is its own reciprocal care, as any effort spent is rewarded beyond measure in the life of the care partner.