The general consensus was that we were nuts. “You’re going camping? With elders?”
We did. We called it a “camping experience,” in that we stayed in a totally accessible double cabin. We took a nurse, PSWs, and so much staff we were almost one-to-one. The average age of the elders with us was 90. One man got up every hour to look for his recently deceased wife, one lady developed a urinary tract infection and got up every half hour to pee, and none of the staff got much sleep. But there was so much joy! A group went fishing, and I helped a man catch a fish for the last time. Another lady wanted to swim one final time, and we made it happen. We sang campfire songs and made s’mores. The pathways were paved, so we could take “walks” by wheelchair into the woods. When we got on the bus to go home, one gentleman with dementia made a speech with tears running down his face, thanking us for taking him. When he got off the bus, he glowed as he told his wife how wonderful it was.
Sometimes, you need to go beyond normal and be a little crazy.
With flexibility, creativity and some extra work, some form of celebration might be possible.
Know Your Elder
We spent significant time looking at each of our elders and assessing who this experience would be 
good for. The city girls and former businessmen who had never enjoyed being out in nature weren’t good candidates. They could be in a wheelchair but needed to be able to transfer to a toilet by themselves. They couldn’t be on a special diet. We took those who would benefit most and who we could support in this environment.
For you, this could translate into asking “What makes it really special for Mom?” Maybe she’s always been at the family reunion and she loves being the centre of attention. But maybe, one-on-one talks with her children are her favourite times. Or perhaps she likes to sit quietly and watch the antics of the grandchildren. Spend some time assessing your elder’s physical, emotional and mental state, and ask how the celebration should be customized to give them the most joy.
Communicate With Other Family Members
The nature of family gatherings is that people who haven’t seen each other for a while, get together. Your siblings or other family members who haven’t spent time with your elder for months will see changes, and may not know how to interact with them. A gentle head’s up is helpful, including what to say (“he still loves to talk about baseball”) and what to avoid (“Instead of asking, ‘Do you remember me?’ start by saying your own name.”) This may take a little finesse, but can be a help.
Be Inclusive
Look for ways to include your elder.
- Ask advice
- Involve them in preparations as they are able. Baking together, making decorations, folding napkins, putting items away in the kitchen.
- Involve the younger children. Even if all they can do is watch, that’s often enough. If a few other family members sit and enjoy, it becomes a fun memory.
- If your elder is living in a facility, consider a) finding out how they are celebrating a national holiday and joining in b) contacting the facility about bringing a family celebration to the facility (a birthday, wedding) One family brought enough cake for everyone when their elder turned 100. The whole dining room sang to her and she loved it!
Reminisce Together
Home movies, videos and photo albums can bring back happy memories and incite laughter. The thought may be that it will bring sadness because life was happier/easier then. You can certainly stop if that is the case, but the memories and story-telling that come from this are often positive.
Those Teenagers
Grandchildren in their teens and twenties may not know how to relate without electronics. Encourage them to embrace it and share with your elder. Funny YouTube videos, FaceTime, finding one of Grandpa’s favourite songs and playing it for him are all ways to include them.
I remember coming home from the “camping experience” feeling totally wasted. I had given 
everything I had. But as I look back at the crafts, campfires and fishing, I see the faces of those who had an experience they thought was impossible for them. I’m thankful for every minute. All of those elders are gone, but I have the memories.
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