Wanda had watched her father sink into the abyss of loneliness over the last few months, and she felt desperate to help. Nothing she did seemed to make a difference.
When Dad’s best friend had died suddenly several months ago, it had seemed to knock him off his feet emotionally. Then it happened literally when he fell. Thankfully, he didn’t break anything, but the sprained ankle and bruising interrupted Dad’s regular exercise routine, and it never got back on track. Winter, with its lack of light and crazy weather had always been difficult, but this year Dad didn’t seem to have the stamina to fight back. Wanda visited every few days, but it wasn’t enough. Dad slept too much, watched too much TV and said he didn’t have the energy to mall walk or even go shopping. Wanda despaired until she got a wild, out-of-the-box idea.
She made a trip to the local animal shelter and explained the situation to them. They phoned three weeks later with the perfect cat for her, and agreed to a two week trial. The five-year-old cat had been owned by an elderly lady who died. Definitely a “lap cat,” she seemed lonely, too, and wanted lots of attention. Wanda knew she could look after a lot of the care when she visited, leaving the companionship factor to her dad.
They didn’t need the trial period. Dad and Pussy became best friends on day one. In a few weeks time, Wanda noticed other changes. Dad wanted to go to the mall to get cat toys. He invited another “cat loving” friend over for lunch. Pussy became sleek and sassy and acted like she owned the place, and Dad smiled again.
Of course, this isn’t the answer for everyone, but it shows how unconventional thinking can find creative answers.
We know loneliness is a killer, and because of issues like cognitive decline, lack of mobility and decreased energy, it’s far more prevalent in elders.
Here are some suggestions for those struggling with loneliness:
Accomplish one task a day
By this, I don’t mean the normal activities of daily living, but one thing from your mental “to do” list. Go through your cupboards and start a bag to give to a thrift store. Garden. Organize your kitchen. Make something and give it to someone. Although all of this activities may be solitary, it will brighten your mood to see what you have accomplished at the end of the day.
Physical exercise
My regular readers are probably thinking, “Here she goes again.” But it can’t be said too many times. Physical exercise benefits your body, your mood and can bring you in contact with other people, even if it’s only to smile as you pass them on a walk.
Right now, I need to push myself out the door to go for a walk. I’m facing hip replacement surgery in December, and my 30 minute walk hurts. The pain exhausts me. I don’t want to do it. But each time as I get to about the 20 minute mark, I begin to feel better. When I get home, I feel proud that I did it, and (after a short rest) able to tackle another task.
Invite people over or make dates to go out together
Extroverts have no problem with this, but those of us who belong to the “Introverts Club” find being with other people both stimulating and exhausting. However, I understand that when I make the effort, I am enriched, and I can plan quiet times in between to regenerate.
Use social media
Many elders use social media well and frequently, and it’s a way to keep contact with friends and family across the country and the world. FaceTime is amazing and a great way to connect with my granddaughter in northern Ontario. I play Scrabble online with my sister in Manitoba, as well as chat with her through Messenger. The world has shrunk, and it’s a good thing.
Try something new
Over the last few years, I’ve been learning to paint. I’m definitely a beginner. I’ve painted on wood and canvas, but my favourite is the white gift bags I bought. When one of my grandchildren has a birthday, I paint something on the gift bag which they are into. One got a unicorn, the last one got a girl doing karate. I feel stimulated as I tackle this new skill, and loneliness evaporates.
Carepartners, be aware of the seriousness of the issue of loneliness. Realize that the stigma surrounding loneliness makes elders reply, “I’m fine.” when that’s far from the truth. Look for creative solutions. Perhaps even a cat!