Sarah wanted to do something special for her husband, who “walked with dementia.” He’d always been a sports fan, and she decided she would take him to see one of his favourite teams play. He’d always loved live games, and maybe there’d be a moment which would bring back happy memories. It was a lot of work, and she was on her own with him that day, but she wanted try it.
He seemed to have had a good time. Two hot dogs and a soda later, the game ended, and she asked him if he had fun.
“Yes, but next time we should go see my favourite team.”
This was his favourite team.
With great wisdom, Sarah answered, “Okay, that’s what we’ll do next time.”
Did this mean the experience was a washout? Not at all. But Sarah recognized that, even though it might not have turned out as she hoped, it was still worth it.
Sometimes, however, wisdom dictates that bringing your elder to the party isn’t the best for you or them.
When Care Issues are Overwhelming
Incontinence isn’t something everyone can handle, and there’s no shame in that. If you can bring a caregiver along who can help with this, it may be possible. But if not, don’t risk putting yourself and your elder in a difficult and embarrassing situation. Look for other solutions, such as having friends and family members visit them at home.
Some people with dementia can’t handle groups of more than a few people. Some become anxious
and overwhelmed, and others may become aggressive. I need to stress, this isn’t the case with all elders with dementia. Some thrive on the experience. Know your elder. But if this is the case, visits with small groups of a few people are best. Also, some elders (with or without dementia) function best within a routine and are happiest when it’s followed. Again, know your elder and be flexible.
When Medical Issues are Severe
Medical issues, even something as seemingly innocuous as a urinary tract infection, can have a profound effect on an elder. Treatments for various diseases can sap energy and make socializing more of a chore than fun. It may be that tentative plans should be made which can only be firmed up on the day of the event. Flexibility, especially with expectations, is the key.
When You Need a Break
Nobody would dispute that being a care partner wears you down physically, mentally and emotionally. There may be times when you want to attend an event and have no demands on you. That’s okay. If it isn’t possible to have either hired or family help to free you up, give yourself the opportunity to go alone. If people ask, tell them Grandma wasn’t up to it today. Release yourself from any feelings of guilt. Remember, if you don’t look after yourself, you can’t be there for your elder.
Summer provides so many opportunities to get out, socialize or just sit by a lake and soak in the quiet. With creativity, flexibility and wisdom, you and your elder can make the most of it.
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