My most poignant story of reciprocal care happened the day I came back to work after the death of my husband. It’s a story I’ve told before, but thinking back on it still brings tears to my eyes.
I knew that first day would be gruelling, Part of me wanted to find a place to hide, but I also knew losing myself in work would be a good distraction. I only had to get through the first eight hours.
As I rode the elevator up to my floor, I steeled myself for what lay ahead. To my surprise, the doors opened to Miss S., sitting in her wheelchair, waiting for me. I found out later she’d been waiting for the better part of an hour because she didn’t want to miss me. Immediately, I dropped my purse and my parcels and knelt beside her chair. She wrapped her arms around me, and in the quiet of the hallway, we both sobbed. Then we wiped our eyes. She went to breakfast and I to my desk to begin my day.
That occurred 18 years ago, but the emotions of the care Miss S. gave me that day remain with me.
As a caregiver, the idea of receiving care may be foreign and seem somewhat ridiculous. 
That’s why I like to refer to those who give care as “care partners.” Care is a partnership, an intimate dance of giving and receiving.
The benefits of seeing care as a partnership are many.
- The relationship between those giving and receiving care is strengthened when the giving, at least in part, goes both ways.
- The elder’s autonomy and sense of independence is increased with the ability to give back in some way.
- When the elder is able to give to the wider community, it provides a connection which is invaluable and reduces isolation.
- The ability to give, improves mood, which affects both physical and mental health.
- Giving provides a sense of purpose and value, a priceless commodity for elders.
- Receiving from elders touches at the heart of the care partner and provides much-needed emotional support.
How do you find these kind of opportunities? Some are spontaneous, and some need planning. Next week we will look at developing the ability to perceive giving and receiving opportunities.