It was time to say good-bye.
The activation students had been with us two days a week for several months and on their last day, we took them out to lunch. These two young men had grown, matured and learned so much over the weeks. As we chatted together, my supervisor asked them, “What was the best experience you had in all the time you were with us?”
I wondered what they would say. Each had planned and run a special event, and they’d been spectacular. They’d gone on a trip, shared one-on-one visits and taken residents for walks. I saw them grow so that they thought beyond programs and activities to the people behind them. Which of these many experiences would they highlight?
“Breakfast with Betty.” The young man who worked in my neighbourhood surprised and delighted me when he said this. When he’d started, I’d thought him to be a little full of himself. I admire confidence, but his was misplaced. He had a lot to learn.
It was Betty who taught him.
Betty spent her entire day in a wheelchair. She was younger than most of our elders, as early-onset Alzheimer’s changed her life in her prime. At the time our student met her, she was in her 70s, and she’d lived with us for several years.. Her naturally curly hair remained blonde, and her gorgeous blue eyes followed every move. Most times her look was pensive, sometimes disapproving, but when she occasionally smiled, it was a gift. Betty hadn’t been able to talk for years.
But she can communicate. As our student sat with her each morning and spooned porridge, toast, and eggs into her mouth, she communicated volumes and poured into his life. She showed him that the value of a life doesn’t depend on ability or what a person can contribute. She taught him that communication is more than words. And she taught him that love can grow in unusual places.
This self-assured young man learned to look forward to their times together each morning. He told Betty about his life and even asked her opinion. He noticed subtleties in her facial expression when she especially enjoyed a food and he made sure she got more of that. He took her out to the garden and sat with her. He brought her to every activity.
Their placement included two week blocks where they came in every day, and after one of these, he had to be away the next week. When he returned, he rushed into the dining room, looking for Betty and saying, “Do you think she missed me?”
Our elders, even the most impaired among them, can give us gifts that will change our lives. As care partners, we need to watch for them and embrace them.
A hug, a smile or…breakfast with Betty.
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