Roger’s moods hadn’t gone unnoticed. But help came from an unexpected source.
Jenna picked up the call at work. The voice on the other end of the line hesitated. “Hi, This is George McDuff. You don’t know me, but I’m a friend of your dad’s. We play cards together on Wednesdays.”
Jenna’s “worry meter” immediately began to tingle. She actually did know Mr. McDuff, but why would he be calling her at work? “Hi, Mr. McDuff. I do remember you. Is everything okay?”
Again, the hesitation. “Well, I’m not sure. I’m worried about your dad. He’s been missing our card games, so I called him. He didn’t sound like himself, you know? Actually, he barely wanted to talk. So I went over to his place. I don’t know. Something’s not right. He’s always been pretty tidy, but he had dishes stacked up and all he seems to do is sit in that recliner and sleep.”
Jenna thanked her dad’s friend and assured him she’d follow up. The information wasn’t a surprise to her. She’d seen changes in her dad for a while now, but none of her prodding or suggestions had helped. Dad always assured her he was fine and changed the subject. She’d seen signs of depression and anxiety in him, but she also knew phrases like “mental health” didn’t enter his vocabulary. His generation had survived by “bucking up” and “staying strong” and all the other catch phrases she’d heard her father use.
She rubbed her eyes. What now?
The stigma among elders regarding mental health and getting help is powerful. For many, admitting to mental health issues is considered weak, or whining. They’ve been brought up to suffer in silence, and that habit is hard to break.
Here’s the story of one person who had sunk into a deep hole and was able to come out of it:
What strikes me about Rosalyn’s story is when she says that she is now in control of her mental health. When elders experience mental health issues, which are often coupled with failing physical health, the feeling of being out of control can be overwhelming.
She also said she now has a sense of purpose. Her children and grandchildren needed her. These are important concepts in dealing with mental health.
Medical help
Medical help is the starting point and the ongoing treatment. Competent medical help is necessary to diagnose and treat mental health issues.
What does competent mean? A medical practitioner who is aware of the specific needs of the elderly (particularly related to drugs and their effects on older bodies.) A geriatrician is wonderful, but a general practitioner with this kind of experience is also good. Ask for a full medical assessment. Imbalances in the body (such as certain vitamin deficiencies) or the side effects of some drugs can cause depression.
There are many medications which can be used to treat various forms of depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses. They need to be started at low doses, increased slowly and monitored closely. Make sure this is the philosophy of your doctor.
Jenna approached her father with her concerns.
“I don’t need to go to the doctor. I’m fine. It’s just winter, and I’ve been kind of tired. Don’t you worry. I’ll be fine.”
“Dad, has your life been feeling out of control lately?”
This stopped him. He sat for a long moment without answering. “Yes, that’s exactly what I’ve been feeling. And, I guess, like I don’t matter any more. Nothing does.”
Jenna took his hand and looked in his eyes. “Dad, you do matter. I need you and my kids need you. I want you to feel in control again, and to be able to do the things you enjoy. But we need to go to the doctor first and see what can be done to help you.”
Roger sat silently for several minutes, and then Jenna saw his eyes cloud over. “All right. Let’s do it.”