I want to be an elder with a cape.
You know the ones I mean? The man in his 90s who completed a marathon. The woman in her 80s with the hot, incredible body who moves with grace on the balance beam. She’s more flexible than I was at, well, ever. The nurse who works well past normal retirement age and everyone loves her.
The grandfather who graduates from university at the same time as his grandson.
It won’t happen for me. I struggle with mobility in my sixties. Sigh. No marathons in my future. Or my past, truth be told.
Help! I can’t find my cape!
But have we transplanted the superhero culture into elderhood? We look up to the stars of stage and screen, the sports heroes and the beautiful people. Have we bought into this so that the only elders that make the headlines are the ones who can act years younger than the norm?
What happens to the rest?
I think about the elders who have had a profound influence on my life.
Mabel, who made a fuss of a shy, socially awkward young girl in church and told everyone who would listen, “This is my pet.”
Martha, who prayed for the young man who was my husband and his sister when she saw they needed help.
Wanda, who struggled fiercely when the effects of a stroke made it difficult for her to dress herself and walk, then graciously acquiesced to her physical challenges and didn’t allow them to make her bitter. Who shared her humour, her love and her hot cross bun recipe with me.
Joan, who fought the demons of anxiety in her later years and sometimes wore me down with her repetitive questions, but wrapped herself around my heart.
Isabel, who always encouraged me and prodded me to follow my dreams.
These are only a few, but none of them wore capes. They weren’t the elders that newspaper articles are written about. But they touch lives profoundly.
We’ve been talking this month about reciprocal care–the fact that even the most impaired elders can care for us.
But here’s what I finally understood; when we realize our elders can care for us, we see all elders as superheroes. They profoundly influence our lives. If we understand this, we see capes on all our elders.
What if we got ageing all wrong?
Our society needs elders. Yet, so many see them as a burden, or, at the least, a group who needs to be cared for rather than a population who can contribute. I have great respect, and perhaps a bit of envy for the cape-wearing super-elders, they are the tiniest minority. We need to give up our obsession with youth which carries even into aging, and look at the treasures we possess.
Radical thinking? Yes! Instead of valuing people for what they can do or how they look, we need to value them for who they are. We need to see and understand what they give us. Our society sends the clear message: contribute until you retire, then go have fun. Then die.
Harsh words. Take a few minutes and examine advertising aimed at the elderly. The clear message remains: your contribution is finished.
Our society needs elders
This time of life which we have dreaded and resisted with every fibre of our being is good? The ones we think of caring for and keeping safe are needed? We need them?
We need to send these messages to our elders daily–verbally and with our actions.
“You have an influence on my life. I value your opinion.”
“Your contribution makes a difference to me.”
“My relationship with you enriches me. I am learning from you.”
Is there any among us who wouldn’t blossom, hearing that message?
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