Hazel smiled, remembering the day she’d had a meltdown in her kitchen. Thank goodness she’d been alone.
Her son had called with good news. The place they’d picked for her to live, their top choice of many, had called to say she’d been accepted and was on a waiting list. She knew the stark reality remained that several people would need to pass away before she moved to the top of the list. It might take months, and in that time she needed to downsize. She’d looked around the room after hanging up the phone, sat in one of her kitchen chairs and let the tears flow. How would she cope?
She’d already de-cluttered and pared down and left behind so much when she moved to the apartment seven years ago. But she’d been seven years younger with seven years more energy. Plus, in those years of living, she’d accumulated and now her cupboards and drawers “runneth over.”
Help came from an unusual source. Her grandson’s girlfriend, Stacey, a delightful perky miss with energy and a sweet spirit, had helped her own family with just this kind of move for her grandmother a year ago. The miracle remained that she wanted to help. Hazel grinned. Maybe she hoped to get “brownie points” with the family. If that was the motive, it worked.
- Keep the Goal in Mind That first day, they wrote out all the positives of both her move and keeping only what she needed. Hazel couldn’t believe they filled a whole page. Then they posted it on the fridge for times when she felt discouraged.
- Choose a Method Stacey quickly learned not to expect too much in a day. They decided together that even tackling a room took more energy than Hazel could offer, so they worked on one drawer or cupboard at a time.
- Sweeten the deal
Hazel loved when Stacey came over, and occasionally her grandson came as well. Each time they finished a task, they celebrated with coffee and doughnuts.
After a few sessions, Hazel saw the whole experience as an adventure, not a drudgery. - Take Pictures
“Grandma cried a lot. Everything had a story and she wanted to keep it. Like this old dresser that she changed Uncle Charles on. The drawers don’t even work right, but to her, it was a treasure.” Hazel nodded at Stacey’s wisdom. She knew the feeling. “But we came up with this idea to take pictures of things. We got them printed and Grandma put them in an album. She told her stories by turning the pages of the album.” Hazel marvelled at this great idea. - Designate Treasures Stacey wondered if any of the family would like to keep anything. Hazel didn’t think so, because they’d already been through things years ago with the first move. But when she asked, several momentoes were chosen. She and Stacey packed them away for the person who asked.
- The “Maybe” Box This they filled with items Hazel wasn’t sure about. Her lace doilies went in there. When she looked at them weeks later, she decided she could part with them. But other items she kept after she’d had time to think.
After a few weeks, it didn’t look like much, but as the weeks passed, Hazel realized they’d accomplished a great deal. They’d even been able to sell a few items, and Hazel planned to use the money to send the two young people on a fancy date.
She felt in control. Although she’d used Stacey’s stamina and expertise, the decisions had been hers.
She smiled again. That independence meant the world.
CLICK TO TWEET
I just found this. What practical, positive suggestions to address this very stressful challenge!
The helpful points illustrated the benefit of allowing the elder to make independent choices. The support she received was kind and thoughtful. Great information, Ann!
Thank you, Marlene. As someone who worked in the industry, you would be so familiar with the anxiety caused by this kind of move. Next month we are going to look at connecting with staff!